Christmas Meditation by Metropolitan Philip Saliba

Lord,

What shall I offer you on your birthday in return for your infinite love?

I have neither gold nor silver, neither myrrh nor frankincense.

My house is without a roof. I have no room for you; not even a manger.

My soul is even darker than the clouds of my passion.

My eyes are too dim to look beyond the horizon of myself.

Help me behold your bright star; "For in thy light we shall see light."

Lord,

You have been knocking on my door for thirty-nine years, but I never dared let you in because my garment is not white as snow.

Forgive me if I do not invite you to my table, for my table is full of everything you despise. I have denied you more than Peter.

I have doubted you more than Thomas.

I have betrayed you more than Judas.

My hands are empty. My lips are not clean to sing your praise.

And my heart is wrinkled with sorrow like a withered leaf under autumn's wind.

Lord,

The only thing I can offer you on your birthday is myself.

Drown me in the ocean of your love.

Feed me with your heavenly bread, for the bread of this world will never satisfy my hunger.

Quench my thirst with your divine fountain, for the water of this earth will never satisfy my thirst.

Give me your eyes to see what you see, your ears to hear what you hear and your heart to love what you love.

Take me with you to Mount Tabor and let me bathe in your eternal light.

Lord,

"Create a clean heart in me. Cast me not away from Thy face. Restore unto me the joy of Thy salvation, and strengthen me with a perfect spirit."

Teach me how to pray in simple words, for only through prayers I may overcome my loneliness.
Help me to care for the needy, the oppressed, the orphans, the sinners and the despised whom you love.

As I kneel before your manger with love and humility I beseech you to listen to my prayers.

Christmas Edition of Getting to Know Your Friends

Okay, here's what you're supposed to do, and try not to be aSCROOGE!!! Just copy (not forward) this entire email and paste into anew e-mail that you can send. Change all the answers so that theyapply to you. Then send this to a whole bunch of people you know,INCLUDING the person that sent it to you......Tis the Season to be NICE!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags??? brown paper lunch bags, stapled shut

2. Real tree or Artificial??? Artificial, alas. Real ones make me congested.

3. When do you put up the tree? The last few years since my mother died, its been later and later. I used to put it up on Thanksgiving weekend, but now it doesn't get done until mid-December.

4. When do you take the tree down? after January 7th.

5. Do you like egg nog?? Yes, I love it, even though I got a wicked hangover from Melvin's "special homemade" eggnog a couple of years ago. I think he "made" it in the bathtub.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? My annual box of 64 Crayola crayons

7. Do you have a nativity scene? Multiple ones!

8. Hardest person to buy for? My ex husband. Every year, including this one, I get him a DVD. DD just told me yesterday that he doesn't have a dvd player. Damn luddite.

9. Easiest person to buy for? DD - barnes and noble gift card does it for her

10. Mail or email Christmas cards?? I don't do cards of any type - never have. I will send email cards on occasion. friends and family who don't have an email address are out of luck.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? I don't remember any, truthfully

12. Favorite Christmas movie? Hm.... I think its probably A Christmas Story or Miracle on 34th St. I almost wet my pants the first time I saw A Christmas Story.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?? When I can't avoid it anymore

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present??? Yes

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas??? Panettone and pizzelle

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree??? Clear lights that don't blink. The more the better. When I turn my tree on, there should be a brown out in my neighborhood, or I haven't don't it right.

17. Favorite Christmas song?? Most favorite is Lo, How A Rose Ere Blooming, and second favorite is O Holy Night in French

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Home, but sometimes I think it would be fun to go somewhere unexpected, like Aruba or Lake Sunapee NH

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers? No, but I can name all the Von Trapp children. There are seven of them. I can also name all the B Street children. Does that count?

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? I always have both. The tree is on the tippy top with an angel immediately below it

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?? When I was a kid, we always opened them at night after midnight mass, but once I was a mother, I saw the wisdom of Christmas morning gift opening.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year??? Office gift exchanges. Nuff said. Actually, I kinda think the whole gift giving thing is out of hand in our culture. I'm happy with just our Christmas stockings full of little things and candy.

23. Favorite ornament theme or color??? I've got enough ornaments to fill half a dozen trees, but I always start with red balls; sometimes they are red apples, sometimes they are two red balls, one dark red and shiny and the other bright red and satin, hung together. My favorite ornaments, though, are the ones that I've collected over the years to commemorate different places I' ve been, or events, or stages of DD's life, or pets. These ornaments tell the story of our life. I love the several grandmother and grandfather ornaments that I got for my parents. Now that my mother is gone, for the third year, I've gotten a pig with angel wings ornament. This year's pig is sparkly, with red lipstick! Mom collected little pigs because she was so grateful to have a porcine heart valve keeping her alive for many years.

24. Favorite for Christmas dinner??? My favorite Christmas dinner exists in my memory: chicken in wine, stuffed artichokes, ravioli, bracciola, salad, chocolate chestnut pizza. Nowadays, I prefer to keep things much more simple, esp since the ex visits over Christmas and I don't like to inflict him on guests

25. What do you want for Christmas this year? college tuition for DD

26. Person most likely to respond to this email? everyone responds to MOI

27. Who is least likely to respond to this? see number 26

Ok, tag! You're it!

Would you do it again?

Today I got an email from my "little" cousin Joe (his stage name is J. Maxx). That was a cause for rejoicing in itself because we don't really correspond much. Joe must be about 38 or so now, a grown up - imagine that! He married last December, so he's coming up on his first wedding anniversary, and he obviously was reflecting on that event, because here is what he sent me. He also sent it to his sister (Goddaughter #2), his female cousins that he grew up with and one of my first cousins. The photo above is of my seven sweethearts - my seven "little" cousins, and he sent the email to them and me and one of my other cousins that we are all very close with.

"Okay, ladies-Got a question for you (looking for honest answers here): if you could do it all over again, knowing what you know now, would you have kids? J. Max"

This is the reply that he got from his sister, Goddaughter #2, the lawyer - but I promise you, she's a NICE lawyer!:

"absolutely, no questions asked. My kids are the very, very best that has ever happened in my life. They bring me the most joy I've felt in my life. Of course there are days that you want to rip the hair out of your head, but that in no way even comes close to the love you feel.

It is the hardest and I mean the hardest job you will ever undertake and you have no idea how hard it is until you do it, but the rewards always outweigh the turmoil. LikeDina said, the first few months are so hard and because the baby can't tell you what's wrong it's very hard, but that time literally flies away and in no time it is a distant memory. Those first smiles, those hugs around your neck and the head that rests on your shoulder for comfort and support, you can't beat!!!"

Then I got this one from him:

Denise- I had your wrong e-mail address. Care to weigh in?

J. Max

I thought about it. Would I do it again? Would I be willing to do it again now, knowing all that went before? Here is my reply:

"Dear Joe,

I've been through a lot. When Jerry and I got married, I had dreams of the little house with the white picket fence, 2.2 children, a cat, a dog and a rosebush. Nothing special, just an ordinary, normal life. After the first year of marriage, we decided to try to have a baby. A year after that, I was 25 years old with a diagnosis of infertility. I was devastated. I mourned children I had never even had until I had Elisabeth in the 11th year of my marriage. By that time, I was 34 years old and felt my biological clock ticking... and remember, Jerry is 9 years older than me, so he was already in his mid 40s. I felt like the window for having a child was closing.

Then, miraculously, I was pregnant! Happy happy joy joy! But at 12 weeks, I was having a miscarriage. I'll spare you the gory details, but we really thought we had lost her. I remember sitting in the ER waiting for the infertilitiy specialist to show up to tell me that I was having a miscarriage, and I thought to myself.... at least I had the opportunity to be pregnant for a little while. At least I had the opportunity to have a doctor tell me I was pregnant, and I had the joy of telling my husband, and my mother, and my Auntie Anna. At least I had these experiences and it will have to be enough.

DD had other plans, though, and was born healthy. But you know the rest of the story - a 14 month old with cancer is pretty ugly. I really thought she would die during the surgery. I remember thinking, throughout that whole awful time, that at least I had the opportunity to know her and love her and nurse her and change her diapers, and nibble her toes for a little while, and a little while was a whole lot better than nothing. Then came the divorce and being a single mother which is pretty difficult. Add in two sick and elderly parents, death, nursing homes, never enough money, lost jobs..... life has been very hard. But the one consistent bright spot has been DD.

Now she is almost 18 and getting ready to fly the coop. She is a wonderful, wonderful young woman: kind, generous, understanding, sentimental, thoughtful, smart, funny, talented, beautiful inside and out. I couldn't ask for a more wonderful child. I'm so proud of her.

Was all that sorrow and pain and anguish worth it? Were the years that I spent on my knees begging God to let me be a mother worth it? Was the fear of screwing her life up worth it? The fear of her dying (I still have nightmares once in a while) worth it?

You bet it was worth it, Joe. Every second, every minute of every day was worth it, even the bad stuff. I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat, even at 52, even knowing all I know now that I sure didn't know then --- yes, I'd do it again. I'd have a whole houseful.

I have never felt such intense joy. I have never been so fulfilled. I have never been so challenged to mature and develop. My life has been so enriched. Watching your child grow and leading her in the way she should go has provided me with the most intense joy and fulfillment--- more than I could ever have dreamed of. I have grown so much. My faith has been strengthened - I *know* that God exits - I see the pattern of His love and care for me and for DD every day.

Go for it, Joe! You would make a fantastic father. I just know it!

Love,

Denise"

You know, Joe was the most beautiful baby I think I've ever seen. He almost didn't make it - his mother was in a car accident and had him about two months early. He had a few problems, but he was the sweetest, most loving child. And brave! He was/is an actor/casting director in NY - I'm always amazed that he has the guts to get up in front of people like that. He was the only boy in the house - there were six girls. He learned to deal. All in all, he was an amazing kid, and now he's a wonderful man. His wife got very lucky when she met him.

And he would be a wonderful father. He would be patient and fun as a father, but he wouldn't be afraid to be strong enough to train his children the way they should go. He's got a lot of depth and a lot of class.

I don't know whether he and his new wife will have any children. I guess he doesn't know that yet himself. But, he'd be a great father. I just know it. And it would be worth it. Every minute of every day would be worth it. I really wanted him to know that.

Here is his reply, which just shows you how tenderhearted and loving he is:

Dear Denise- I am at work right now, and trying not to cry, as that was the most beautiful endorsement for parenthood I have ever read. If I am blessed with children, if I can be half the parent you are my children will be very lucky indeed. I love you and miss you. -Joe
J. Max

Oh ya, and he loves his big cousin Denise! The reason he loves me so much is because I gave him drums for Christmas when he was four. His mother still isn't talking to me! Grin.... that was BEFORE I was a mother of course!

Guess which one in the photo is Joe! And guess which one is Goddaughter #2 that I love so much and talk about all the time!

Autumn Reading Challenge: The Jesus Prayer - A Monk

This thin little book took forever to read - not because it was so difficult, but because I kept falling asleep. Now, don't think that the book bored me until I was comatose, because it was very interesting, but it was totally different from what I expected. I expected lots of how-tos regarding the Jesus Prayer and lots of mysticism. I would say the last 15 pages or so tackle the nitty gritty how-to of the Jesus Prayer. The rest of the book is an exposition of the history of the veneration of the name of Jesus. The monk author (Lev Gillett) starts with the names of God in the Old Testament, moves on to Jesus in the New Testament, and continues throughout history, showing the development of the prayer into its present form: Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner!

I don't think I'll be rereading this one, as interesting as it was. I need something on the more practical aspects of prayer, rather than the historical development of this prayer through time.

Thanksgiving

What am I truly thankful for? On this day of national Thanksgiving, I wonder.... what am I thankful for?

1. That my daughter's cancer is still in remission and she is healthy
2. That she has grown into a thoughtful, intelligent, principled, kind young woman
3. That my father is still "himself" in a strange way, even though the Alzheimers has taken its terrible toll
4. My sister/cousins Rosanne and Ethel who I love and admire so very, very much, without whom I would have no one left to remember what it was like for us growing up
5. My family - my wonderful, crazy, loving, loud, raucous, opinionated, bossy family - which can be summed up in one word: B Street Kids. That includes Lisa with Olivia and Vanessa, Goddaughter #2 with Jeff, Jeffrey and Isabella, Andrea and Julia, Dina with Todd and baby George Anthony, Georgene and Erin, Joe and Sheilagh, Jen and Steve.
6. A long life with my mother, though I miss her so much
7. My church family who have become truly my family and who have brought so much in DD's and my lives, especially Uncle Ken and Auntie Janice, Baba and Papa, Joan, Cindy and FJ
8. In a weird way, I'm thankful for the last five years -- so much has happened, so much tragedy and angst, so much pain -- but still, I've learned so much that I wouldn't trade this terrible time
9. Noa perfume. I'm thankful for Noa.
10. That I had the opportunity to carry a child, to feel that child move within me, to give birth, to breastfeed that child - everything I wished for and dreamed of and prayed for came true.
11. That God made lobsters
12. That I've had so many opportunities to travel, to be exposed to great art and literature and music, to different cuisines, to meet new people. What a wonderful life I've had!
13. That God finally allowed me to be a mother, and to mother this particular child, who has been through so much but has emerged as a beautiful, deep, trustworthy young woman
14. That my ex and I have remained friendly for our daughter's sake
15. That here in the US, I have the freedom to express my opinion, worship God as I choose, vote as I see fit, pursue an education as I choose, and work as I choose. So far, my civil liberties are mostly intact. I pray that they remain so.
16. Gardenias, my favorite flower, and my grandmother's favorite flower as well. Whenever I see a gardenia, or smell its fragrance, so many memories are triggered. I'm thank for those memories of life and love with so many family members, all gone now...
17. My little house in RH. I love my little house, and I'm thankful that I was able to purchase it.
18. That I have had the opportunity to love a man deeply
19. Email. I'm thankful for email, without which I would have lost contact with so many friends and extended family members
20. Most of all, I am thankful for God's faithfulness to me, even when I was not faithful to Him, even when I railed against Him, even when I ignored Him, even when I blamed Him, even when I was utterly unloveable. How amazing His constant love for me is!

On True Fasting

It is necessary, most of all, for one who is fasting to curb anger, to accustom himself to meekness and condescension, to have a contrite heart, to repulse impure thoughts and desires, to examine his conscience, to put his mind to the test and to verify what good has been done by us in this or any other week, and which deficiency we have corrected in ourselves in the present week. This is true fasting.

St. John Chrysostom

New Meme

On another note, Mimi at http://mimisbooks.blogspot.com/ had an interesting Meme for bloggers that I’ll do. Here's how it works: I will answer some questions about you, if you want to play along.


1. Tell you why I friended you or put you on my Bloglines
2. Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a color, a photo, etc.
3. Tell you something I like about you.
4. Tell you a memory I have of you.
5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
6. Tell you my favorite user pic photo of yours (or something about your avatar I like)
7. In return, you must post this in your blog.

That's it! So, if you want to play along, just leave a comment to this post and I will respond.

Three Quizzez

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

You Have A Type A- Personality

You are one of the most balanced people around. Motivated and focused, you are good at getting what you want. You rule at success, but success doesn't rule you. When it's playtime, you really know how to kick back. Whether it's hanging out with friends or doing something you love! You live life to the fullest - incorporating the best of both worlds

http://www.blogthings.com/doyouhaveatypeapersonalityquiz/">Do You Have a Type A Personality?

What Color Is Your Personality?

Your Results:
Blue Violet
Blue colors your world with emotion. You seldom jump right in, preferring to stand back and watch people and situations closely. Blue people are calm, but can also spiral into sadness. With so much emotion, tears of happiness, sadness, anger, or frustration are quite common.
View all LifeScript quizzes.
See how you rate against everyone else.
Email this quiz to a friend

Uncle Ken

Two nights ago, dear daughter and I were talking about her boyfriend. For the record, I like The Boy Friend very much - I think he is a fine young man from a wonderful family, and I said so. We both remarked how much he reminds us of Uncle Ken, and then DD stated that if TBF turns into half the man that Uncle Ken is, he will be a fine man and she will have done very well. Then she got teary eyed and decided to tell Uncle Ken what she really thinks of him. She dialed and asked for Uncle Ken and she told him exactly that. He was touched, and little embarassed. He didn't know quite what to say. They chatted a little bit, he gave her advice about life and boys, they said they loved each other and they hung up.

What is unusual here is that Uncle Ken is not her uncle at all. He is a family friend. In fact, we haven't known him all that long - we met him our first Sunday at St. Mary's on November 16th, 1997 - just ten years ago. I clearly remember driving home from that first liturgy with my then 7-year-old DD, talking about our new parish and the nice people we met that day, and she kept talking about Uncle Ken and Auntie Janice. I didn't have a clue who she was talking about, and had to wait for Wednesday night vespers to find out. It was the subdeacon and his wife, and they seemed like really nice people, but Uncle and Aunt???? It was obvious, though, that DD and they instantly hit it off and felt sympatico. The next week they invited my family, including my elderly parents, to their home for Thanksgiving, where we met Uncle Ken's father and mother and youngest sister, and were instantly adopted by the whole family.

But this is not the main point of this story. A year or two later, DD was acting up a little bit, and I was having a hard time figuring out how best to handle her. I was getting advice from all sides and my head was spinning. One Saturday evening after vespers, Uncle Ken came to me and said that he knew I have having a hard time with DD, and that if I didn't mind, he would like to give me his opinion. I told him go ahead, because by that time I already knew that he was going to give his opinion one way or the other - one of the things I so love about him! He said that since the ex lived a continent away, he felt that DD needed a strong man in her life beyond her elderly grandfather who was more like a playmate than a father figure. He felt that need was part of what she was going through, and that he loved her as if she was his own, as did his wife, and he volunteered to be that man. In fact, he said that it was a life-long committment for him, one which he and his wife had discussed, and that they would be honored if I would accept this offer. Wow. I bawled my head off to think that somewhere in the world there are people who are so kind and so generous. I accepted. From that point forward, Uncle Ken has been wonderful, as have all of his family.

Now, what is amazing to me is that DD recognizes how rare it is to find a man and a family like that, and she is grateful, as am I. In the intervening years, Uncle Ken and Auntie Janice have added K to their family, who is DD's little sister and my niece. K hasn't quite noticed that although they are sisters, they don't have the same parents, though they do share Uncle Ken's parents as grandparents. Its hilarious sometimes, the way that K mimics DD.

So, the other night, DD recognized that Uncle Ken is a rare, rare man, and if her future husband is half the man that he is, she will have done well for herself, indeed.

Which Movie Star Are You?

Which Movie Star Are You?

Don't miss this if you need some fun!

Ever wonder which movie star you are most like? Well ~ A team of researchers got together and analyzed the personalities of movie stars. The gathered info has been incorporated into this quiz. There are only 10 questions so it doesn't take long. Number your paper from 1 to 10, then answer each question with the choice that most describes you *at this point in your life*, and then add up the points that correspond with your answers. Send this to all of your friends (including person who sent it to you ) with your star's name in the subject line.... And don't be a butt and ruin the fun by not responding ... Now, don't look ahead or you will ruin the fun!

1. Which describes your perfect date? a) Candlelight dinner for two b) Amusement Park c) Roller blading in the park d) Rock Concert e) Have dinner & see a movie f) Dinner at home with a loved one

2. What is your favorite type of music? a) Rock and Roll b) Alternative c) Soft Rock d) Classical e) Christian f) Jazz

3. What is your favorite type of movie? a) Comedy b) Horror c) Musical d) Romance e) Documentary f) Mystery

4. Which of the following jobs would you choose if you were given only these choices? a) Waiter/Waitress b) Sports Player c) Teacher d) Policeman e) Bartender f) Business person

5. Which would you rather do if you had an hour to waste? a) Work out b) Make out c) Watch TV d) Listen to the radio e) Sleep f) Read

6. Of the following colors, which do you like best? a) Yellow b) White c) Sky blue d) Teal e) Gold f) Red

7. Which one of the following would you like to eat right now? a) Ice cream b) Pizza c) Sushi d) Pasta e) Salad f) Lobster Tail

8. Which is your favorite holiday? a) Halloween b) Christmas c) New Year's d) Valentine's Day e) Thanksgiving f) Fourth of July

9 If you could go to any of the following places, which would it be? a) Reno b) Spain c) Las Vegas d) Hawaii e) Hollywood f) British Columbia

10. Of the following, who would you rather spend time with? a) Someone who is smart b) Someone with good looks c) Someone who is a party animal d) Someone who has fun all the time e) Someone who is very emotional f) Someone who is fun to be with

Now total up your points on each question:

1 a-4 b-2 c-5 d-1 e-3 f-6

2. a-2 b-1 c-4 d-5 e-3 f-6

3. a-2 b-1 c-3 d-4 e-5 f-6

4. a-4 b-5 c-3 d-2 e-1 f-6

5. a-5 b-4 c-2 d-1 e-3 f-6

6. a-1 b-5 c-3 d-2 e-4 f-6

7. a-3 b-2 c-1 d-4 e-5 f-6

8. a-1 b-3 c-2 d-4 e-5 f-6

9. a-4 b-5 c-1 d-4 e-3 f-6

10. a-5 b-2 c-1 d-3 e-4 f-6

NOW, take your total and find out which Movie Star you are:

(10-17 points) You are MADONNA: You are wild and crazy and you know it. You know how to have fun, but you may take it to extremes. You know what you are doing though, and are much in control of your own life. People don't always see things your way, but that doesn't mean that you should do away with your beliefs. Try to remember that your wild spirit can lead to hurting yourself and others.

(18-26 points) You are DORIS DAY:You are fun, friendly, and popular! You are a real crowd pleaser. You have probably been out on the town your share of times,yet you come home with the values that your mother taught you. Marriage and children are very important to you, but only after you have fun. Don't let the people you please influence you to stray.

(27-34 points) You are DEBBIE REYNOLDS: You are cute, and everyone loves you. You are a best friend that no one takes the chance of losing. You never hurt feelings and seldom have your own feelings hurt. Life is a breeze. You are witty, and calm most of the time. Just keep clear of back stabbers, and you are worry-free.

(35-42 points) You are GRACE KELLY: You are a lover. Romance, flowers, and wine are all you need to enjoy yourself You are serious about all commitments and are a family person. You call your Mom every Sunday, and never forget a Birthday. Don't let your passion for romance get confused with the real thing.

(43-50 points) You are KATHARINE HEPBURN: You are smart, a real thinker. Every situation is approached with a plan. You are very healthy in mind and body. You don't take crap from anyone. You have only a couple of individuals that you consider "real friends". You teach strong family values. Keep your feet planted in them, but don't overlook a bad situation when it does happen.

(51-60 points) You are ELIZABETH TAYLOR: Everyone is in awe of you. You know what you want and how to get it. You have more friends than you know what to do with. Your word is your bond. Everyone knows when you say something it is money in the bank.You attract the opposite sex. Your intelligence overwhelms most. Your memory is the next thing to photographic. Everyone admires you because you are so considerate and lovable. You know how to enjoy life and treat people right.

Now put your Movie Star in the subject line, then forward and share with your friends, including the person who sent it to you - PLEASE! I want to know who you are!!

So..... I got this from DD's godmother, Matushka Elizabeth Sylvia - she is Grace Kelly, as is Xenia, one of my best buds and DD's evil auntie. Diane is Doris Day. Mimi is Katharine Hepburn... Lyne is Grace Kelly. Paula is Grace Kelly. And *I* am Katharine Hepburn.

Let me know who you are!

Autumn Reading Challenge: Mr. Darcy's Daughters by Elizabeth Aston

This book was a good, but not great, read. I guess I expected the same richness of character found in the original by Jane Austen, but alas, it was not to be. The plot line was again a convoluted seriocomedy of manners and commentary on the social mores of the day - a la Austen - with overtones of modernity. Don't get me wrong; I did enjoy reading it, but its not a must-read and certainly not a re-read. There are another couple in the series, but I think I'll pass on them for now. Maybe next summer when I need some light summer reading.....

Dear daughter is reading it now; after that, Edie will read it. I'll post their comments soon.

Update to Autumn Reading Challenge

I really want to read We Shall See Him as He Is, but its way too expensive to buy right now, and I don't know anyone I can borrow it from, so regretfully, I am replacing that selection with something else.....

I'm going to choose between these two:

Abbess Thaisia, An Autobiography

or

The Ascetic of Love by Nun Gavrilia

I'm worth $5775.00

I got this from a blog that I read regularly, Papa Herman's blog, which you can see a.

$5775.00The Cadaver Calculator - Find out how much your body is worth.

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Autumn Reading Challenge

Kathleen over at Rock Creek Rumblings has an Autumn Reading Challenge which I've decided to join. The point is to be more intentional in reading. I've been trying to do that for the past year or so, and perhaps joining this challenge for the months of September, October and November help.

I'm keeping my list very short since I'm a whole month late starting, this is the first time I've done the Reading Challenge, and because I don't have much time to read anymore. I'll do my best, though.

Here's my list:

Mr. Darcy's Daughters - a birthday gift from dear daughter. I have to finish this one quick because she wants to read it, then Edie wants to read it, then Carla wants to read it.... It picks up the Pride and Prejudice story 20 years later. So far, its a good read.

The Jesus Prayer - a Monk. "To pronounce the name of Jesus in a holy way is an all-sufficient and surpassing aim for any human life...We are to call to mind Jesus Christ until the name of the Lord penetrates our heart, descends to its very depths...The Name of Jesus, once it hs become the center of our life, brings everything together."

We Shall See Him as He Is, a spiritual autobiography of Fr. Sophrony. I got this suggestion from Deb's blog, Deb on the Run. Here is what Amazon says of this book - who could resist reading it: Book Description¿Now at the close of my life I have decided to talk to my brethren of things I would not have ventured to utter earlier, counting it unseemly.¿¿ Thus wrote Archimandrite Sophrony, then ninety-two years old, in We Shall See Him as He Is, his spiritual autobiography. In this book Fr. Sophrony, one of the most beloved orthodox Christian elders of our times, revealed to the world his own experience of union with God, and the path to that union. drawing near to God with intense love and longing accompanied by struggle, self-emptying and searing repentance, Fr. Sophrony was granted to participate in the life of God Himself through His uncreated Energies. Like orthodox saints throughout the centuries, he experienced God¿s grace as an ineffable, uncreated Light. It was in this Light that Christ was transfigured on Mount Tabor before His Apostles, and it is in this Light that we shall see Him as He is (I John 3:2). Born into a russian orthodox family in Moscow in 1896, Archimandrite Sophrony embarked on a successful career as a painter in Paris. There he delved into Eastern religions for a time, before repenting bitterly of this and returning to the faith of his childhood. After a brief period of theological study in Paris, he left for the ancient orthodox monastic republic of Mount Athos in Greece, where he spent fifteen years in a monastery and a further seven as a hermit ¿in the desert.¿ on Mount Athos he became the spiritual son of a simple monk of holy life, Elder Silouan. It was under the guidance of Saint Silouan that Fr. Sophrony experienced divine illumination, knowing God intimately as Personal Absolute¿as the one Who revealed Himself to the Prophet Moses as ¿I AM¿ and Who became incarnate as man in Jesus Christ. In 1959, Fr. Sophrony founded the Monastic Community of St. John the Baptist in Essex, England, which has since become a major orthodox spiritual center for all of Western Europe. Elder Sophrony reposed in 1993, at the age of 97.

Julia's Survey

Best Survey
Name:: Denise
Birthday:: September 14, long before you!
Birthplace:: Everett, MA
Where you live now:: Georgia
Hair color:: salt and pepper, but it used to be very dark reddish brown
Eye color:: Brown.
Height:: 5'2.
Your biggest pet peeve:: People with a victim mentality
Your biggest flaw:: How much time you have?
Pepsi or coke:: Pepsi.
Water or Gatorade:: Water.
Do you smoke:: No. Not since 1976
Do you drink:: Very occasionally
Do you club:: No
Do you swear:: Too much.
Do you do drugs:: Only the kind the doctor gives me
Do you want to go to the military:: Never. No matter what.
Do you want to go to college:: I did and I did.
Do you want to get married:: BTDT
Do you want to have kids:: I did and I did have just one
Do you know how to dress:: Sometimes I need help with my zipper in the back
Do you think that you are attractive:: No, not any more
Are you moody:: Moi? Is the Pope Catholic?
Do you like rainy days:: Yes, I love them.
Can you cook a decent meal:: I'm a great cook

Ever been......
Beat up:: yes. Those Izzicupos were AWFUL. If you got in a fight with one of them, they all took a turn, even RICHARD! So of course, yes, I've been beat up. I mean, 1 against 4. What do you think?
Fired:: Nope.
Dumped:: Oh yeah. By Joe Wathen.
Hired:: Yup.
Lied to:: Bill Thompson
Cheated on:: Bill Thompson
Shot:: No, but I do know how to shoot!
High:: Oh geez.. on what?
Deathly sick:: Yes.
Depressed:: Am I breathing?
Homesick:: See Depressed
Locked up:: NO! But I do spend most of my time with felons nowadays
On a real date:: Yes

In the past month have you....
Been shopping:: Food shopping? Ya!
Been on a date:: Does Cindy count?
Been to the movies:: Yes.
Been to a party:: No
Written a song:: No
Been cheated on:: Only by Cindy now that she's back at school.
Are you a virgin:: Oh geez.
Gay/Straight/Bi:: Straight, except for Julie Andrews
Single or taken:: Single.

Your favorite...
Food:: Thai, Indian, Vietnamese
Drink:: Ice water
Car:: One with McDreamy AND McSteamy nekkid in the back seat
Place:: San Francisco
Color:: Unknown - no favorite
Show:: Hell's Kitchen
Store:: Point me towards a big bookstore, preferably used, like Powell's or Bell's
Movie:: Toss up between My Big Fat Greek Wedding and Moonstruck
Artist:: John Singer Sargent
Feature on a guy/girl:: honor, integrity, strength --- guys, give me something that I can actually respect!
Number of piercings:: four
Number of tatoos:: I'll let you see me naked and you count, ok? Didn't think so.
glasses/contacts/neither:: Glasses.
Love or money:: Love
Quiet or loud:: Quiet most of the time
Country or city:: Country, but near a very artsy fartsy cosmopolitan city

**RANDOM**
Ever been on the toilet and on the phone:: Can you say, "Ethel?"
Ever accidently peed in your sleep:: Hm.... I don't think so.
Ever get up in the middle of the night for a snack:: Ya
Ever wake up on the wrong side of the bed:: Figuratively or literally?
Do you wish you were a different gender:: Only in my work life
Do you believe in God:: Yes
Ever split a nail:: Yes

Did you like this survey:: Yes. I love these things.

Take this survey Find more surveysBzoink - The Original Survey Site

What Color Crayon Am I?

Stolen from Meg's blog which I faithfully read here: http://www.nepsis.blogspot.com/

You Are a Red Crayon

Your world is colored with bright, vivid, wild colors. You have a deep, complex personality - and you are always expressing something about yourself. Bold and dominant, you are a natural leader. You have an energy that is intense... and sometimes overwhelming. Your reaction to everything tends to be strong. You are the master of love-hate relationships. Your color wheel opposite is green. Green people are way too mellow to understand what drives your energy.

What Color Crayon Are You?

Another one.....

001. Name? Denise Babineau Norman
002. DOB? I'd have to kill you. Suffice it to say that I could be your mother. But I'm a Virgo.
003. Eye color? Brown
004. Hair color? used to be dark reddish brown, but now its salt and pepper
005. Height? 5'2"

Favorites:
006. Country? I'd like to eat my way through the Mediterranean countries
007. Food? Um.... Thai
008. Movie? Moonstruck, The Quiet Man, My Big Fat Greek Wedding
Drink? Ice water
010. Animal? Puppies and kittens
011. Color? This is the most annoying question! For the record, every color has its beauty
012. Song? Psalm 134 by Ippolitov-Ivanov; Rejoice O Virgin - Rachmaninoff; Lord's Prayer - Kedrov Sr (in Slavonic); Annunciation Kontakion (To Thee our Champion) old Antiochian melody; Unto the Mother of God - Arkhangelsky......
013. Sport? Figure skating
014. Jewel? Pearls, sapphire
015. Subject? Liturature
016. Best thing that happened to you in the last few years? My church family
017. Do you want to get married? BTDT and once is enough for anyone
018. Kids? Got one already - too old in every possible way for another
019. Best place to go on a date? Stay home, eat dinner, listen to music, talk, cuddle
020. What is your dream? To be debt-free
021. What do you want to do when you grow up? I'm still not sure.... an iconographer
022. Play an instrument? used to play all brass instruments, particularly french horn, but its been a long time. Can play guitar some and piano a little. Sing a lot.
023. Ever danced barefoot in the rain? Oh, yes!
024. Friend you have known the longest? Hm.... well Keith is dead, so other than the exhusband, I'm going with Ellen.
025. Best friend(s)? Ellen, Joan, Cindy and Fudgie
026. Friend that makes you laugh the most? My cousin/sister Ethel!
027. Friend who you can talk to anything about? See #25, but mostly Fudgie
028. Friend with the best personality? Life is not a contest, as I used to tell goddaughter number five

Best? Opinions/ Thoughts
029. Abortion? Wrong
030. Gay rights? Right
031. Violence in the media? Wrong
032. Michael Jackson? REALLY wrong
033. Aids? We need to find a cure, and fast, before someone I love dies

Travels
034. Ever travelled anywhere? Across America, to Canada, to Mexico and to the Caribbean
035. What country do you want to visit? Anywhere in the Mediterranean, Russia, Japan
036. What state do you want to visit? California. I miss it. I'm homesick.
037. Do you want to live in a foriegn country? Maybe
038. Where do you want to live when you're older? In a male monastery muahahahahaha

Final Questions.....
039. Do you remember your dreams? Sometimes
040. Do you believe that there is such a thing as soulmates? Not in the usual romance novel definition, but yes, there are people with whom you are utterly attuned. So, yes
041. Do you believe in love at first sight? I believe in like and lust at first sight, but not love. Love is a verb - you have to give it time
042. What was your favorite childhood toy? My kewpie doll named Guadalupe
043. Thoughts on life??? Pollyanna and I both say that there is good in every situation if you look for it
044. If you were stuck on an island who would you want with you? A fairy godmother with a lot of books

Three by Frost and a Fourth

Reparations

The day's coming
when I will no longer consider
my mere presence inexpiable.
I will place my hand in that flame
and feel nothing.
I will ask nobody's forgiveness again.
Or I will just go
among people no more --
I may writhe with
remorse in the night, but
the operation must be
undertaken by
me, anesthesialess.
No one must be asked to relinquish
a grievance that can't be removed
without further destruction,
it may be
it is lodged in who he is now
like a bullet in a brain
whose removal might only worsen its change.
The forgiveness! I know it
will be freely offered
or it won't, and that is all --
and no one may bestow it
on himself.
If it is to come
it will come of itself like a separate
being,
a mystery, working
unseen as a wind causes still
leaves or water to move once again.
And hide me in the shadow of Your wings.
Let the heart be moved again.

by Franz Wright


Bereft

Where had I heard this wind before
Change like this to a deeper roar?
What would it take my standing there for,
Holding open a restive door,
Looking down hill to a frothy shore?
Summer was past and the day was past.
Sombre clouds in the west were massed.
Out on the porch's sagging floor,
Leaves got up in a coil and hissed,
Blindly striking at my knee and missed.
Something sinister in the tone
Told me my secret may be known:
Word I was in the house alone
Somehow must have gotten abroad,
Word I was in my life alone,
Word I had no one left but God.

by Robert Frost


Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

by Robert Frost


Desert Places

Snow falling and night falling fast, oh, fast
In a field I looked into going past,
And the ground almost covered smooth in snow,
But a few weeds and stubble showing last.

The woods around it have it--it is theirs.
All animals are smothered in their lairs.
I am too absent-spirited to count;
The loneliness includes me unawares.

And lonely as it is that loneliness
Will be more lonely ere it will be less--
A blanker whiteness of benighted snow
With no expression, nothing to express.

They cannot scare me with their empty spaces
Between stars--on stars where no human race is.
I have it in me so much nearer home
To scare myself with my own desert places.

by Robert Frost

St. Anna, Grandmothers and the Cloud of Witnesses

I was listening this morning to a podcast of Khouriye Frederica Mathewes-Green talking with Ihumen Athanasiy, the pastor of the ROCOR church which has a miraculously weeping icon of St. Anna. Their brief conversation brought me to tears. To listen to the podcast on Ancient Faith Radio, look for the podcast of July 19th here.

The icon began to exude myrrh three years ago on American Mother's Day. Within three days, the entire back of the icon was totally soaked with sweet smelling myrrh. St. Anna had always been active in Fr. Athanasiy's life, beginning with when his broken arm was annointed with oil blessed in honor of St. Anna in a RC parish by his own mother, named Anna. He always had a special devotion to St. Anna since a child because of this. Eventually, he asked the nuns at the Mt. of Olives paint the icon of St. Anna about 12 years ago.

Many women were cured from the myrrh from the icon. Eventually, the icon began to cry, in addition to streaming myrrh. Many miracles: Russian boy cured from cancer; a baby dead in utero came back to life after annointing with the myrrh; many barren women have conceived; whereever she goes, she brings peace and love.

Fr. Athanasiy said: "She *is* the grandmother of Christ, and when we Russians say Babushka, Baba, you know with Baba, what Mom and Dad won't give you, Baba gives you... This is the grandmother of Christ. This is our grandmother. " I was immediately filled with the image of my own grandmother, and then, quickly, of Dorothy, who has given so much to my daughter. Without her unconditional love for my daughter, there would be no grandmother in her life to love and teach her. How blessed we are to have Dorothy - both of us - but especially Elisabeth. I had been thinking recently that as soon as I'm done with my commissions, I would paint an icon of St. Dorothy of Kashin, her patron saint, for her, but now I'm thinking that maybe an icon of St. Anna, the grandmother of Christ, might be a better choice....

We should ask her to intercede for us and not be afraid to ask her to. About saints interceding for us, Fr. Athanasiy said: "It says, 'The Lord is wonderful in His saints" doesn't it? The saints are God's holy people. WE are called to be saints... We have become part of God's holy people, and there are people that we identify with because sometimes they've fought the good fight and have gone through the things that we've suffered and we identify with the Church Triumphant. Those are the saints..... and they are not nobodies, they're somebodies and part of the human race...We say to these people that we know.... that have gone before us: I pray thee, speak a good word to Jesus for me, and they do. " I think I've been neglecting the saints... not only my own patroness, but all of them. Not neglecting, really, but not incorporating the reality of their existence on earth and in heaven into my own prayer life. Hm.... that's not really what I mean..... Maybe this is more accurate: not truly understanding or believing in their desire and ability to assist me in my own little portion of the world, in my own struggles, and instead, blindly trudging ahead on my own because, after all, I do know best, don't I? Sigh.

He went on to talk about the Theotokos: "We say in the service when we read the Gospel to the Mother of God, '....Yea, blessed are they that hear the Word of God and keep it.' Who, amongst all of humanity has kept the Word of God better than the Mother of God? She is humanities 'YES!' to God. She is the new Eve. She is 'Eva' spelled backwards: Ave... she is our Yes... She leads us - God chose her. He could have said, 'Here I Am" but he chose one of us. She is not to be put aside, either.... I've put her aside in my life, ignoring her example and her love for me, just as I've done the same thing with Christ. Spiritual laziness is what it is. Or maybe, just not wanting to give up my fascination with me long enough to look at where I'm going.... WHO I'm walking towards.... Selfishness. On my name day, Annunciation, every year I say YES again in my heart and rededicate myself, and this year was no different, but then as the days pass, I forget that and get caught up in the minutinae of everyday life with me me me me me. That's who I really worship. Me. That's who I spend time with every day - Me. That's who I love most - Me. That's where my treasure is - Me. Sigh. All my prayers have to do with ME, MY wants, MY needs, MY complaints, MY emotions. No wonder I can't hear anything He says - I'm always the one doing the talking, and I'm talking about my favorite subject: Me. Where is the gratitude? Where is the love? Where is the submission to His plan for me?

Near the end of the podcast, Fredericka said: "When we speak to the Lord, we are never speaking to Him in isolation. All the saints and everyone is standing around and we can be speaking and pleading with Him and we can say, 'Mary, help me out here....'" and Fr. Athanaisy responded: "In the scripture, we are surrounded by a choir of witnesses. We are rich, because everyone who has fought the good fight is part of us. We have a claim to their friendship, if we want it. All of heaven is ours because we are baptized in the church. I hadn't thought in these terms before. No matter how isolated I may feel, no matter how my groanings are prompted by my feelings of solitariness.... I am never alone, am I? I believe this intellectually, but somehow I'm not comforted by it. I must not truly 'get it'. Not internally. In a way, that's what practising iconography does for me - that's what the pull is for me - I connect with the person that I'm painting and the person I'm painting it for. I feel at peace and loving and loved. Sometimes I talk to the saint.... I guess that's praying. Maybe. Its so... grounding is the best word, I guess. Connected. I'd hate to give it up.

Who knew that when I clicked on a podcast about a weeping icon today, that I'd find all of this?

In the Month of the Theotokos

The Theotokos is my patroness, my mother. Dormition Fast is when I'm reminded of that. I realize that I don't call on her enough, and don't rely on her to intercede for me and mine.


Sometimes I wonder about her.... she was a woman, after all. A normal human woman, who found herself in extraordinary circumstances, and responded wholeheartedly, and without looking back, to God. But sometimes I wonder what her life was like, what she truly felt. Did she miss a normal family life? From the age of three, she lived in the temple, so even as a toddler, she didnt' have a normal family life. Did she ever wonder about having a normal marriage? I guess miraculously giving birth to your own creator must be so mindboggling and humbling that everything else is burnt out of your mind and heart. Every passion, every desire.

A long time ago, I read that she was very quiet, seldom laughed or smiled, and seldom spoke, yet she was filled with love for everyone, and everyone was filled with love for her as well. I have a hard time hearing myself over the cacophony of my own thoughts.

Sometimes I think that maybe I should adopt another Mary as a second patroness, or another female saint. Or even a male saint. Sometimes I think that maybe I need someone I can understand better, like Mary of Egypt, or Mary Magdalene, or Mary, the sister of Lazarus, or Maria Skobtsova. Or how about St. John Maximovitch?

No, I'll stay with Mary the Theotokos, who chose me herself. My mother said that she used to pray all the time to her because she wanted a baby so much, and when she was finally pregnant with me, picked only a boy's name. But when they showed me to her, she was inspired and said my name was Denise Marie after the Virgin Mary. Mom believed that the Theotokos chose me, and I do too.

I'm nothing like her. But she is mine and I am hers just the same. Its always been that way. I need to do better. I'm going to try harder.


TO THE THEOTOKOS ABOUT GOOD INTENTIONS AND HOW TO BE CLEANSED FROM THE PASSIONS

O most holy Theotokos, O only Lady who art utterly pure in both soul and body, look upon me, abominable and unclean as I am, who have blackened my soul and body with the stains of my passionate and gluttonous life.

Cleanse my passionate mind; set aright my blind and wandering thoughts and make them incorrupt; bring my senses to order and guide them; free me from my evil and repulsive addiction to unclean prejudices and passions which torment me; stop every sin that works in me.

Grant my clouded and wretched mind the sobriety and discernment to correct my intentions and failings that, freed from the darkness of sin, I might be worthy to boldly glorify and praise thee, O only true Mother of the true Light, Christ our God; for all creation, visible and invisible, blesses and glorifies thee, both with Him and in Him.

Amen

(From the SPIRITUAL PSALTER of St. Ephraim the Syrian; publ. by The St. John of Kronstadt Press)