Last weekend I was switching channels and came upon a reality show called "Surprise Wedding." The premise of this show is that half a dozen women who have been in long term relationships and want to marry their significant other are brought to Las Vegas for a week of makeovers, wedding shopping and all-around fun. They somehow get their SOs to meet them in Las Vegas - most of them told the hapless men that they were receiving an award of some sort. One by one, the men are brought out onto the stage, where the women are standing in wedding dresses, and in front of the screaming audience and many cameras, the women propose. The men are given a few minutes alone to consider the proposal, then they are brought out again and to give their answer. If they answer yes, a JP marries them immediately. If they say now, they are hustled off the stage while the wanna-be bride tearfully is escorted offstage to a kiss and cry area and is interviewed.
This was horrible. It was like watching someone pick their nose - its disgusting, but you can't take your eyes off it. What does it say about our American culture, that women would feel so desperate because they aren't married, that they would lie to the men they supposedly love, would humiliate and debase themselves?
What does it say about the state of America's spiritual underpinnings that women are so intent on marrying, that they would be willing to forego any mention of God and would get married without their loved ones around them?
What does it say about how we raise girls into women in our culture, that to be without a husband is so heinous that women prefer lying and the risk of public humiliation to remaining single?
What does it say about the self-worth of women who would do this? Who would beg on national TV to have a man marry her?
What does it say about the men in America today - that they spend an abnormally long adolescence, all the way to their mid 40s for many - and don't step up to the plate of male adulthood, thus forcing women to take over?
What does it say about the men who said no to the women they supposedly love, who wore their hearts on their sleeves and risked everything to marry them? Do these men understand the shame involved for these women - if they truly loved and valued them, they would never have put them in a position where the women felt they had to take matters into their own hands.
What does it say about the men who said yes and married on the spot - if you were wanting to marry this women, why didn't you do the right thing and spare both of you the humiliation?
On every level, I found this show horrific and deeply disturbing. It was like watching a train wreck. Its a sad commentary on life in America - that we would tune in to such a thing, that we would participate in such a thing.
This makes me so much prouder of my dear daughter, who recently ended a relationship with her first real boyfriend. She realized at 17, that TBF had planned out their lives in minute detail, and when he was unable to loosen up, she decided that she was too young to have no surprises left. She'd rather be single. Props to her! At almost 18 (her birtday in next week), she has learned that happiness and contentment come from within, that no one can own another, that sometimes (especially when young) the unknown future can be an exciting place, and the journey there a reward in and of itself. And most of all, that her happiness and worth as a human being has to do with her relationship with God, and does not require being part of a couple.
Props to her!
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Monday, February 11, 2008
I remember Mama
Another year without you, Mom. Three years without hearing your voice, or feeling your embrace. I'm still shocked when I remember that you are gone.
I think that inside each of us is that little child who cannot conceive of a world without her mother, and when it happens, its so very shocking that it feels like a part of what makes you YOU has been violently ripped out of your body, leaving a bloody hole.
As I was driving home from work tonight, I thought about this very thing, and how the only thing that eases the pain is the good memories. We certainly made a lot of those, didn't we Mom? You and me and Dad. And later, much later, you and me and Dad and DD. How much you loved picnics! And watermelon, and roasted chestnuts, and pasta. How many figure skating shows and competitions did we watch together? I couldn't watch them at all for the first couple of years, but this past year, I have been able to enjoy them once again, though its just not as much fun to watch them alone. What about the dollhouse shows? The opera? The jazz on the lawn. The Barn Theater in New London? How about all the books we shared? The Quiet Man? Clark Cabral and Greta Medeiros? Remember getting all dressed up in our Easter finery to go to town to see The Sound of Music, just you and me? The brown bomber? All the sweaters and hats and mittens that you made for me and my dolls...and my daughter.
The iron stove at the Inn, the squirrels, the chihuahuas. The three of us in the back room. Mr. Peck. Raking the leaves, the fire drills. Armand the bread man, Eric the milk man, the meat man.... The errand runs at 70 mph. Skippy Lyons. Emily Vernlund. Marian Ryberg. Vaugh Gregg.
Gram and Auntie Anna and Auntie Nettie and you in that old green kitchen on B St. In the dining room across the lake.
Always laughing. Always loving.
Always remembering. Memory Eternal, Mom. Someday, we'll be together again. Till then, I have my daughter, and the Theotokos, and my memories, and a whole life waiting for me to live it.
I think that inside each of us is that little child who cannot conceive of a world without her mother, and when it happens, its so very shocking that it feels like a part of what makes you YOU has been violently ripped out of your body, leaving a bloody hole.
As I was driving home from work tonight, I thought about this very thing, and how the only thing that eases the pain is the good memories. We certainly made a lot of those, didn't we Mom? You and me and Dad. And later, much later, you and me and Dad and DD. How much you loved picnics! And watermelon, and roasted chestnuts, and pasta. How many figure skating shows and competitions did we watch together? I couldn't watch them at all for the first couple of years, but this past year, I have been able to enjoy them once again, though its just not as much fun to watch them alone. What about the dollhouse shows? The opera? The jazz on the lawn. The Barn Theater in New London? How about all the books we shared? The Quiet Man? Clark Cabral and Greta Medeiros? Remember getting all dressed up in our Easter finery to go to town to see The Sound of Music, just you and me? The brown bomber? All the sweaters and hats and mittens that you made for me and my dolls...and my daughter.
The iron stove at the Inn, the squirrels, the chihuahuas. The three of us in the back room. Mr. Peck. Raking the leaves, the fire drills. Armand the bread man, Eric the milk man, the meat man.... The errand runs at 70 mph. Skippy Lyons. Emily Vernlund. Marian Ryberg. Vaugh Gregg.
Gram and Auntie Anna and Auntie Nettie and you in that old green kitchen on B St. In the dining room across the lake.
Always laughing. Always loving.
Always remembering. Memory Eternal, Mom. Someday, we'll be together again. Till then, I have my daughter, and the Theotokos, and my memories, and a whole life waiting for me to live it.
Friday, February 01, 2008
A Prayer of St. Ephraim the Syrian
“No one can heal my disease except He
Who knows the depths of my heart.
How many times have I set boundaries for myself
and built walls between myself and sin!
But my thoughts transgressed the boundaries
and my will tore down the walls,
for the boundaries were not secured by fear of God,
and the walls were not founded on sincere repentance.
And again I knock at the door, that it may open for me.
I do not cease to ask that I may receive what I request.
and I know no shame in seeking Thy mercy, O Lord.
O Lord, my Savior! Why hast Thou forsaken me?
Have mercy on me, O only Lover of mankind.
Save me, a sinner, Thou only Sinless One.
Wrench me from the mire of my iniquities,
that I may not be forever sullied by them.
Deliver me from the jaws of the enemy,
who roars as a lion and desires to swallow me up.
Rouse Thy strength and come, that Thou mightest save me.
Beam Thy lightening and disperse his power,
that he may be struck with fear and flee from Thy face,
for he has not the strength to stand before Thee
and before the face of those who love Thee.
As soon as he perceives a sign of Thy grace,
he is taken with fear of Thee and withdraws from such with shame.
And now, O Master, save me, for I flee to Thee!”
Monday, January 21, 2008
Iconography - A Writer's Meditation
I just finished this book by writer Susan Neville. In the middle of her Midwestern life, she realizes that there is something missing, there is a hole in her heart that only God can fill, and she decides to spend some time writing about her spiritual life every day during lent as an exercise. She brackets her meditations with vignettes from an iconography class that she took where she completed an icon of the Theotokos.
Susan is not Orthodox, and I found her reflections on Orthodox liturgy and iconography incredibly moving. Here are her final words:
On a Sunday, two weeks later, I head to the Joy of All Who Sorrow. Walking back into the holy gloom, running a little late, I realize right away that I've done something terribly wrong. My icon lies up on a table waiting to be blessed, and I don't belong here. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do.
I have no head-covering. I-I-I. Couldn't I for one second have let go of the fact that my presence here was important because it was my icon waiting to blessed and thought about the fact that this church was Orthodox?
I stand at the doorway, late, remembering back to the days before Vatican II when I would go with a friend to a Catholic church and there would be handkerchiefs or scarves on a table by the door.
I look around for something to put over my hair, and there's nothing. I don't know whether I should leave or stay.
A woman in a blue denim skirt comes up to welcome me. She has a beautiful smile. I point to my head, and she removes her scarf. I'll go hatless too, she says, it's all right. It doesn't matter. Really. Come in, she says. Sit down.
And so I do.
Running late, moving from the bright October daylight to the medieval gloom, sitting down next to the smiling woman with no head-covering, I wasn't prepared for my reaction, and it took me surprise. Everything was extraordinarily beautiful, including the woman's kindness, that I started to cry.
But it was more than simply the act of kindness; it was something about the ritual, which contained a motion that stretched back through time, like a golden-hued intricate machine, a Victorian toy. I can't explain it. It was a time capsule, all movement, and I only know that I'd never seen anything like it, the way these beautiful children, miniature adults, circled with their parents and their grandparents so sweetly from icon to icon, the deep bows of veneration, the prayers and candles, the theater of it all -- the way the curtains closed on the bread and wine when they were just that, bread and wine, and the chanting of the priests and the way the curtains opened on the transformation into flesh, the look on the congregants' faces as they took the mystery into their own very real bodies.
And all the time the new icons sitting on a table at the front, waiting to be blessed, and one of them was the one I'd struggled over.
Mother Catherine came back to sit by me when it was time for the blessing. She pointed out the other iconographers in the room. "Iconographer," she called me. The priest dropped holy water on my Mary's face and chanted a prayer, and Mother Catherine took me to the front of the line as everyone in the church stood to venerate the thing that I had made. I was, I knew, a fraud.
It's a tradition, Mother Catherine said, for the iconographer to be the first one to venerate the icon. How do I do that? I asked her. I was a fraud. Like this, she said, and I remembered that "like this" was one translation of the untranslatable word for God.
She showed me how to hold my hand and how to cross myself, head to navel, right shoulder to the left. And when I got to the icon, I made the sign, and it was one of the most unnatural things I've ever done.
But I was moved, and still am, by the way the congregants then made the sign and kissed the icon, and I realized that the Mary I'd struggled over for so long had sailed away, that she had her own life now beyond me, like my children, like this book, that for me she contained all the grief I'd felt for those who had passed or would continue to pass through my life and my children's lives, for those who had died and for those who were yet to be born. That she would stay in my house above my desk, unvenerated probably as long as she stayed on my wall, a bit frightening at times, at times comforting. That through the years the light of the gold leaf behind her head will sometimes take me by surprise, that someday, maybe a hundred years from now, when I'm long gone, her light will shine as brightly as does the sunlight glazing the needles of the white pine tree outside my window on this particular sharp November day as I sit one last morning with thismeditation, writing this one last line.
When I read the above last night, I wept. Like Susan, I also yearn for God, my heart mutely crying out for Him. I was also fascinated by iconography when I was newly Orthodox and dabbled in it, finally spending a year learning about life and Orthodoxy and how to be an Orthodox woman, and occasionally, about iconography from an old Russian woman, Olga, who was a fabulously talented artist, but not really an iconographer. Like Susan, icons somehow got ahold of me and wouldn't let me go until I found a teacher and spent a week writing St. Michael the Archangel in egg tempera. Like Susan, I struggle with my art, my iconography.
Iconography is a prayer. It is an acquiescence, a submission, to someone and something. It is a yearning and a receiving. It is a beginning and a completion. It is one moment encapsulated in time, in earth and minerals and egg mixed with vinegar, and it is also all of eternity stretching forwards and backwards. Its humility, because each icon that leaves my hands falls far short of prototype, and is absolutely unworthy of either the saint depicted for the recipient of the finished work. Its a discipline and a way of life that I am incapable of following.
But I try. I keep slugging away at it. I keep asking God to help me rise to the occasion, to complete what is lacking in me. I keep looking for that little pinpoint of heaven peeking out at me in the midst of that expanse of smooth white board.
Last spring, my bishop reviewed my work and told me that it was time to get serious about iconography, to study seriously with a master iconographer and become a real iconographer, myself. He asked me to consider whether God wanted me to continue as an amateur (a lover of the work) or a dilettante (one whose efforts are only superficial), or whether God wanted me to offer my artistic gifts back to Him in the form of iconography. He told me that it was time to stop flirting with iconography and to become an iconographer. Each time I recall that brief conversation, with photos of my icons in Vladyka's hands, and his eyes boring holes through mine, and his voice so soft but so sharp... I weep again. "What are you going to do" he asked. "I can see that your iconography has promise, but what are you going to do with this gift that God has given you?" "Its time to get serious."
Yes, its time to get serious.
Susan is not Orthodox, and I found her reflections on Orthodox liturgy and iconography incredibly moving. Here are her final words:
On a Sunday, two weeks later, I head to the Joy of All Who Sorrow. Walking back into the holy gloom, running a little late, I realize right away that I've done something terribly wrong. My icon lies up on a table waiting to be blessed, and I don't belong here. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do.
I have no head-covering. I-I-I. Couldn't I for one second have let go of the fact that my presence here was important because it was my icon waiting to blessed and thought about the fact that this church was Orthodox?
I stand at the doorway, late, remembering back to the days before Vatican II when I would go with a friend to a Catholic church and there would be handkerchiefs or scarves on a table by the door.
I look around for something to put over my hair, and there's nothing. I don't know whether I should leave or stay.
A woman in a blue denim skirt comes up to welcome me. She has a beautiful smile. I point to my head, and she removes her scarf. I'll go hatless too, she says, it's all right. It doesn't matter. Really. Come in, she says. Sit down.
And so I do.
Running late, moving from the bright October daylight to the medieval gloom, sitting down next to the smiling woman with no head-covering, I wasn't prepared for my reaction, and it took me surprise. Everything was extraordinarily beautiful, including the woman's kindness, that I started to cry.
But it was more than simply the act of kindness; it was something about the ritual, which contained a motion that stretched back through time, like a golden-hued intricate machine, a Victorian toy. I can't explain it. It was a time capsule, all movement, and I only know that I'd never seen anything like it, the way these beautiful children, miniature adults, circled with their parents and their grandparents so sweetly from icon to icon, the deep bows of veneration, the prayers and candles, the theater of it all -- the way the curtains closed on the bread and wine when they were just that, bread and wine, and the chanting of the priests and the way the curtains opened on the transformation into flesh, the look on the congregants' faces as they took the mystery into their own very real bodies.
And all the time the new icons sitting on a table at the front, waiting to be blessed, and one of them was the one I'd struggled over.
Mother Catherine came back to sit by me when it was time for the blessing. She pointed out the other iconographers in the room. "Iconographer," she called me. The priest dropped holy water on my Mary's face and chanted a prayer, and Mother Catherine took me to the front of the line as everyone in the church stood to venerate the thing that I had made. I was, I knew, a fraud.
It's a tradition, Mother Catherine said, for the iconographer to be the first one to venerate the icon. How do I do that? I asked her. I was a fraud. Like this, she said, and I remembered that "like this" was one translation of the untranslatable word for God.
She showed me how to hold my hand and how to cross myself, head to navel, right shoulder to the left. And when I got to the icon, I made the sign, and it was one of the most unnatural things I've ever done.
But I was moved, and still am, by the way the congregants then made the sign and kissed the icon, and I realized that the Mary I'd struggled over for so long had sailed away, that she had her own life now beyond me, like my children, like this book, that for me she contained all the grief I'd felt for those who had passed or would continue to pass through my life and my children's lives, for those who had died and for those who were yet to be born. That she would stay in my house above my desk, unvenerated probably as long as she stayed on my wall, a bit frightening at times, at times comforting. That through the years the light of the gold leaf behind her head will sometimes take me by surprise, that someday, maybe a hundred years from now, when I'm long gone, her light will shine as brightly as does the sunlight glazing the needles of the white pine tree outside my window on this particular sharp November day as I sit one last morning with thismeditation, writing this one last line.
When I read the above last night, I wept. Like Susan, I also yearn for God, my heart mutely crying out for Him. I was also fascinated by iconography when I was newly Orthodox and dabbled in it, finally spending a year learning about life and Orthodoxy and how to be an Orthodox woman, and occasionally, about iconography from an old Russian woman, Olga, who was a fabulously talented artist, but not really an iconographer. Like Susan, icons somehow got ahold of me and wouldn't let me go until I found a teacher and spent a week writing St. Michael the Archangel in egg tempera. Like Susan, I struggle with my art, my iconography.
Iconography is a prayer. It is an acquiescence, a submission, to someone and something. It is a yearning and a receiving. It is a beginning and a completion. It is one moment encapsulated in time, in earth and minerals and egg mixed with vinegar, and it is also all of eternity stretching forwards and backwards. Its humility, because each icon that leaves my hands falls far short of prototype, and is absolutely unworthy of either the saint depicted for the recipient of the finished work. Its a discipline and a way of life that I am incapable of following.
But I try. I keep slugging away at it. I keep asking God to help me rise to the occasion, to complete what is lacking in me. I keep looking for that little pinpoint of heaven peeking out at me in the midst of that expanse of smooth white board.
Last spring, my bishop reviewed my work and told me that it was time to get serious about iconography, to study seriously with a master iconographer and become a real iconographer, myself. He asked me to consider whether God wanted me to continue as an amateur (a lover of the work) or a dilettante (one whose efforts are only superficial), or whether God wanted me to offer my artistic gifts back to Him in the form of iconography. He told me that it was time to stop flirting with iconography and to become an iconographer. Each time I recall that brief conversation, with photos of my icons in Vladyka's hands, and his eyes boring holes through mine, and his voice so soft but so sharp... I weep again. "What are you going to do" he asked. "I can see that your iconography has promise, but what are you going to do with this gift that God has given you?" "Its time to get serious."
Yes, its time to get serious.
Friday, January 18, 2008
INTP
I read Mimi's blog almost daily, and her last post was about her scores on the Meyers Briggs Personality Inventory. The first time I took the Meyers Briggs, I was in college, providing practice for a friend in the counseling program. I was an INTJ then, and continued to test as an INTJ until about five years ago when, inexplicably, I became an INTP (though once I tested as an ENTJ.) Crazy huh?
The differences between a J and a P are subtle but very clear.
Judging (J)
Judging does not mean "judgmental". Judging people like order, organization and think sequentially. They like to have things planned and settled. Judging people seek closure.
Judging Characteristics
Decisive
Controlled
Good at finishing
Organized
Structured
Scheduled
Quick at tasks
Responsible
Likes closure
Makes plans
Perceiving (P)
Perceiving people are flexible, like to keep their options open and think randomly. They like to act spontaneously and are adaptable. Perceivers like to keep things open ended.
Perceiving Characteristics
Adaptable
Relaxed
Disorganized
Care-free
Spontaneous
Changes tracks midway
Keeps options open
Procrastinates
Dislikes routine
Flexible
As I get older, and as life "tenderizes" me, I can see that I most definitely am becoming more flexible, more adaptable, more relaxed. Unfortunately, I am also becoming more disorganized, though I see the beauty in organization and crave it - I'm just not the person to make it happen. I did change tracks midway through my life. I certainly do procrastinate a lot; I have struggled with punctuality all my life, though I am doing better in general nowadays. I certainly get bored with routine in many ways - work especially - which is why I prefer working with people because there are new situations to deal with every day. On the other hand, the sameness of the church year, the changing of the church seasons, the rich liturgical life of the Orthodox Church, the eternal sameness of it, is far removed from routine - it is incredibly beautiful and comforting.
I certainly do not think sequentially. I usually have a dozen different things going on in my head at any time. I find it impossible to attend fully to any one thought, which makes prayer difficult. My daughter says that I'm what happens when an ADD kid grows up. The funny thing is, when I was a kid, I would concentrate so hard on things that I was interested in, that the real world would drop away and my Mom had to physically shake me to come to dinner, for example. But now, I'm always listening to a number of internal conversations with myself. Perhaps that is the key to whether I am a J or a P.
So, I guess that I have, indeed, morphed into a P.
Friday, January 04, 2008
My 2007 Reading List
Its a new year and thus, its time to start a new reading list! I've joined a couple of reading challenges which do, indeed, promise to challenge me.
In 2007, I read the following books:
The Jesus Prayer - A Monk
Mr. Darcy's Daughters - Elizabeth Aston
The Monastic Life - Met. Cyprian of Oropos
Letters to a Beginner - Abbess Thaisia
Cloud of Witnesses - Fr. Arseny
A Tiny Step Away from Deepest Faith - Corbman
A Year of Russian Feasts - Jones
Coming Home to Myself - Wynonna
Endless Chain - Richards
The Practice of the Presence of God
Living Prayer - Met. Anthony Bloom
The Icon - Michel Quenot
Praying with Icons - Jim Forest
Making Life a Prayer - St. John Cassian
Courage to Pray - Met. Anthony Bloom
Diary of a Russian Priest
This Holy Man: Impressions of Metropolitan Anthony Bloom
Mountain of Silence
In 2007, I read the following books:
The Jesus Prayer - A Monk
Mr. Darcy's Daughters - Elizabeth Aston
The Monastic Life - Met. Cyprian of Oropos
Letters to a Beginner - Abbess Thaisia
Cloud of Witnesses - Fr. Arseny
A Tiny Step Away from Deepest Faith - Corbman
A Year of Russian Feasts - Jones
Coming Home to Myself - Wynonna
Endless Chain - Richards
The Practice of the Presence of God
Living Prayer - Met. Anthony Bloom
The Icon - Michel Quenot
Praying with Icons - Jim Forest
Making Life a Prayer - St. John Cassian
Courage to Pray - Met. Anthony Bloom
Diary of a Russian Priest
This Holy Man: Impressions of Metropolitan Anthony Bloom
Mountain of Silence
From Mother Gavrilia
"First of all, we need to humbly ask God's blessing upon our work, and if there is any doubt whether we should do something we need to pray about it or seek counsel. St. Silouan said, 'A soul that is troubled about anything should inquire of the Lord, and the Lord will give him understanding. But this is primarily in times of calamity and real bewilderment. As a general rule, we should be advised by our spiritual father, for this is a humbler way.'"
"When you wish deeply to act always according to the Will of God, He will reveal It to you. This is what He asks. He wants us to reach out our hand for His Grace, so that His Grace may guide us and His Holy Spirit may shine on us. And then, it is Paradise on Earth! Have no doubts whether it is or it isn't the Will of God. Because when you doubt about what is to be done, it will not be done properly. Don't forget that when it is not the Will of God, He makes it quite clear, for then He shuts all the doors. When you go here and there and find obstacles everywhere, change course, don't insist on your own will. Make your Prayer and change your mind. But don't forget to pray! Talk with God's Spirit as you would with someone dear to you. Yet, you know, the acceptance of God's Will also depends in some way on man himself... God calls man to follow Him. Man replies "Yes" or "No"...God besses a Marriage for the begetting of children. Man replies"Yes" or "No"... In any case, the effort to live in accordance with God's Will is absolutely necessary. For this is our purpose on this Earth." - Mother Gavrilia
"When you wish deeply to act always according to the Will of God, He will reveal It to you. This is what He asks. He wants us to reach out our hand for His Grace, so that His Grace may guide us and His Holy Spirit may shine on us. And then, it is Paradise on Earth! Have no doubts whether it is or it isn't the Will of God. Because when you doubt about what is to be done, it will not be done properly. Don't forget that when it is not the Will of God, He makes it quite clear, for then He shuts all the doors. When you go here and there and find obstacles everywhere, change course, don't insist on your own will. Make your Prayer and change your mind. But don't forget to pray! Talk with God's Spirit as you would with someone dear to you. Yet, you know, the acceptance of God's Will also depends in some way on man himself... God calls man to follow Him. Man replies "Yes" or "No"...God besses a Marriage for the begetting of children. Man replies"Yes" or "No"... In any case, the effort to live in accordance with God's Will is absolutely necessary. For this is our purpose on this Earth." - Mother Gavrilia
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Two from St. Nikolaj Velimirovic
Blessed is he who knows his function and gift received from the Spirit, and who serves according to his designation to the end. Just as the Holy Spirit now apportions His gifts, so the Lord, in His time, will apportion rewards. O Lord, Holy Spirit, true God, help us to use Thy gifts to the end of our lives in humility, for the well-being of Christ's Church and for our eternal salvation.
St. Nikolaj (Velimirovic)
If we are not humbled by virtues, then sin will humble us.
St. Nikolaj (Velimirovic)
St. Nikolaj (Velimirovic)
If we are not humbled by virtues, then sin will humble us.
St. Nikolaj (Velimirovic)
Monday, December 24, 2007
Christmas Meditation by Metropolitan Philip Saliba
Lord,
What shall I offer you on your birthday in return for your infinite love?
I have neither gold nor silver, neither myrrh nor frankincense.
My house is without a roof. I have no room for you; not even a manger.
My soul is even darker than the clouds of my passion.
My eyes are too dim to look beyond the horizon of myself.
Help me behold your bright star; "For in thy light we shall see light."
Lord,
You have been knocking on my door for thirty-nine years, but I never dared let you in because my garment is not white as snow.
Forgive me if I do not invite you to my table, for my table is full of everything you despise. I have denied you more than Peter.
I have doubted you more than Thomas.
I have betrayed you more than Judas.
My hands are empty. My lips are not clean to sing your praise.
And my heart is wrinkled with sorrow like a withered leaf under autumn's wind.
Lord,
The only thing I can offer you on your birthday is myself.
Drown me in the ocean of your love.
Feed me with your heavenly bread, for the bread of this world will never satisfy my hunger.
Quench my thirst with your divine fountain, for the water of this earth will never satisfy my thirst.
Give me your eyes to see what you see, your ears to hear what you hear and your heart to love what you love.
Take me with you to Mount Tabor and let me bathe in your eternal light.
Lord,
"Create a clean heart in me. Cast me not away from Thy face. Restore unto me the joy of Thy salvation, and strengthen me with a perfect spirit."
Teach me how to pray in simple words, for only through prayers I may overcome my loneliness.
Help me to care for the needy, the oppressed, the orphans, the sinners and the despised whom you love.
As I kneel before your manger with love and humility I beseech you to listen to my prayers.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Christmas Edition of Getting to Know Your Friends
Okay, here's what you're supposed to do, and try not to be aSCROOGE!!! Just copy (not forward) this entire email and paste into anew e-mail that you can send. Change all the answers so that theyapply to you. Then send this to a whole bunch of people you know,INCLUDING the person that sent it to you......Tis the Season to be NICE!
1. Wrapping paper or gift bags??? brown paper lunch bags, stapled shut
2. Real tree or Artificial??? Artificial, alas. Real ones make me congested.
3. When do you put up the tree? The last few years since my mother died, its been later and later. I used to put it up on Thanksgiving weekend, but now it doesn't get done until mid-December.
4. When do you take the tree down? after January 7th.
5. Do you like egg nog?? Yes, I love it, even though I got a wicked hangover from Melvin's "special homemade" eggnog a couple of years ago. I think he "made" it in the bathtub.
6. Favorite gift received as a child? My annual box of 64 Crayola crayons
7. Do you have a nativity scene? Multiple ones!
8. Hardest person to buy for? My ex husband. Every year, including this one, I get him a DVD. DD just told me yesterday that he doesn't have a dvd player. Damn luddite.
9. Easiest person to buy for? DD - barnes and noble gift card does it for her
10. Mail or email Christmas cards?? I don't do cards of any type - never have. I will send email cards on occasion. friends and family who don't have an email address are out of luck.
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? I don't remember any, truthfully
12. Favorite Christmas movie? Hm.... I think its probably A Christmas Story or Miracle on 34th St. I almost wet my pants the first time I saw A Christmas Story.
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?? When I can't avoid it anymore
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present??? Yes
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas??? Panettone and pizzelle
16. Clear lights or colored on the tree??? Clear lights that don't blink. The more the better. When I turn my tree on, there should be a brown out in my neighborhood, or I haven't don't it right.
17. Favorite Christmas song?? Most favorite is Lo, How A Rose Ere Blooming, and second favorite is O Holy Night in French
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Home, but sometimes I think it would be fun to go somewhere unexpected, like Aruba or Lake Sunapee NH
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers? No, but I can name all the Von Trapp children. There are seven of them. I can also name all the B Street children. Does that count?
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? I always have both. The tree is on the tippy top with an angel immediately below it
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?? When I was a kid, we always opened them at night after midnight mass, but once I was a mother, I saw the wisdom of Christmas morning gift opening.
22. Most annoying thing about this time of year??? Office gift exchanges. Nuff said. Actually, I kinda think the whole gift giving thing is out of hand in our culture. I'm happy with just our Christmas stockings full of little things and candy.
23. Favorite ornament theme or color??? I've got enough ornaments to fill half a dozen trees, but I always start with red balls; sometimes they are red apples, sometimes they are two red balls, one dark red and shiny and the other bright red and satin, hung together. My favorite ornaments, though, are the ones that I've collected over the years to commemorate different places I' ve been, or events, or stages of DD's life, or pets. These ornaments tell the story of our life. I love the several grandmother and grandfather ornaments that I got for my parents. Now that my mother is gone, for the third year, I've gotten a pig with angel wings ornament. This year's pig is sparkly, with red lipstick! Mom collected little pigs because she was so grateful to have a porcine heart valve keeping her alive for many years.
24. Favorite for Christmas dinner??? My favorite Christmas dinner exists in my memory: chicken in wine, stuffed artichokes, ravioli, bracciola, salad, chocolate chestnut pizza. Nowadays, I prefer to keep things much more simple, esp since the ex visits over Christmas and I don't like to inflict him on guests
25. What do you want for Christmas this year? college tuition for DD
26. Person most likely to respond to this email? everyone responds to MOI
27. Who is least likely to respond to this? see number 26
Ok, tag! You're it!
1. Wrapping paper or gift bags??? brown paper lunch bags, stapled shut
2. Real tree or Artificial??? Artificial, alas. Real ones make me congested.
3. When do you put up the tree? The last few years since my mother died, its been later and later. I used to put it up on Thanksgiving weekend, but now it doesn't get done until mid-December.
4. When do you take the tree down? after January 7th.
5. Do you like egg nog?? Yes, I love it, even though I got a wicked hangover from Melvin's "special homemade" eggnog a couple of years ago. I think he "made" it in the bathtub.
6. Favorite gift received as a child? My annual box of 64 Crayola crayons
7. Do you have a nativity scene? Multiple ones!
8. Hardest person to buy for? My ex husband. Every year, including this one, I get him a DVD. DD just told me yesterday that he doesn't have a dvd player. Damn luddite.
9. Easiest person to buy for? DD - barnes and noble gift card does it for her
10. Mail or email Christmas cards?? I don't do cards of any type - never have. I will send email cards on occasion. friends and family who don't have an email address are out of luck.
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? I don't remember any, truthfully
12. Favorite Christmas movie? Hm.... I think its probably A Christmas Story or Miracle on 34th St. I almost wet my pants the first time I saw A Christmas Story.
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?? When I can't avoid it anymore
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present??? Yes
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas??? Panettone and pizzelle
16. Clear lights or colored on the tree??? Clear lights that don't blink. The more the better. When I turn my tree on, there should be a brown out in my neighborhood, or I haven't don't it right.
17. Favorite Christmas song?? Most favorite is Lo, How A Rose Ere Blooming, and second favorite is O Holy Night in French
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Home, but sometimes I think it would be fun to go somewhere unexpected, like Aruba or Lake Sunapee NH
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers? No, but I can name all the Von Trapp children. There are seven of them. I can also name all the B Street children. Does that count?
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? I always have both. The tree is on the tippy top with an angel immediately below it
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?? When I was a kid, we always opened them at night after midnight mass, but once I was a mother, I saw the wisdom of Christmas morning gift opening.
22. Most annoying thing about this time of year??? Office gift exchanges. Nuff said. Actually, I kinda think the whole gift giving thing is out of hand in our culture. I'm happy with just our Christmas stockings full of little things and candy.
23. Favorite ornament theme or color??? I've got enough ornaments to fill half a dozen trees, but I always start with red balls; sometimes they are red apples, sometimes they are two red balls, one dark red and shiny and the other bright red and satin, hung together. My favorite ornaments, though, are the ones that I've collected over the years to commemorate different places I' ve been, or events, or stages of DD's life, or pets. These ornaments tell the story of our life. I love the several grandmother and grandfather ornaments that I got for my parents. Now that my mother is gone, for the third year, I've gotten a pig with angel wings ornament. This year's pig is sparkly, with red lipstick! Mom collected little pigs because she was so grateful to have a porcine heart valve keeping her alive for many years.
24. Favorite for Christmas dinner??? My favorite Christmas dinner exists in my memory: chicken in wine, stuffed artichokes, ravioli, bracciola, salad, chocolate chestnut pizza. Nowadays, I prefer to keep things much more simple, esp since the ex visits over Christmas and I don't like to inflict him on guests
25. What do you want for Christmas this year? college tuition for DD
26. Person most likely to respond to this email? everyone responds to MOI
27. Who is least likely to respond to this? see number 26
Ok, tag! You're it!
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Would you do it again?
Today I got an email from my "little" cousin Joe (his stage name is J. Maxx). That was a cause for rejoicing in itself because we don't really correspond much. Joe must be about 38 or so now, a grown up - imagine that! He married last December, so he's coming up on his first wedding anniversary, and he obviously was reflecting on that event, because here is what he sent me. He also sent it to his sister (Goddaughter #2), his female cousins that he grew up with and one of my first cousins. The photo above is of my seven sweethearts - my seven "little" cousins, and he sent the email to them and me and one of my other cousins that we are all very close with.
"Okay, ladies-Got a question for you (looking for honest answers here): if you could do it all over again, knowing what you know now, would you have kids? J. Max"
This is the reply that he got from his sister, Goddaughter #2, the lawyer - but I promise you, she's a NICE lawyer!:
"absolutely, no questions asked. My kids are the very, very best that has ever happened in my life. They bring me the most joy I've felt in my life. Of course there are days that you want to rip the hair out of your head, but that in no way even comes close to the love you feel.
It is the hardest and I mean the hardest job you will ever undertake and you have no idea how hard it is until you do it, but the rewards always outweigh the turmoil. LikeDina said, the first few months are so hard and because the baby can't tell you what's wrong it's very hard, but that time literally flies away and in no time it is a distant memory. Those first smiles, those hugs around your neck and the head that rests on your shoulder for comfort and support, you can't beat!!!"
Then I got this one from him:
Denise- I had your wrong e-mail address. Care to weigh in?
J. Max
I thought about it. Would I do it again? Would I be willing to do it again now, knowing all that went before? Here is my reply:
"Dear Joe,
I've been through a lot. When Jerry and I got married, I had dreams of the little house with the white picket fence, 2.2 children, a cat, a dog and a rosebush. Nothing special, just an ordinary, normal life. After the first year of marriage, we decided to try to have a baby. A year after that, I was 25 years old with a diagnosis of infertility. I was devastated. I mourned children I had never even had until I had Elisabeth in the 11th year of my marriage. By that time, I was 34 years old and felt my biological clock ticking... and remember, Jerry is 9 years older than me, so he was already in his mid 40s. I felt like the window for having a child was closing.
Then, miraculously, I was pregnant! Happy happy joy joy! But at 12 weeks, I was having a miscarriage. I'll spare you the gory details, but we really thought we had lost her. I remember sitting in the ER waiting for the infertilitiy specialist to show up to tell me that I was having a miscarriage, and I thought to myself.... at least I had the opportunity to be pregnant for a little while. At least I had the opportunity to have a doctor tell me I was pregnant, and I had the joy of telling my husband, and my mother, and my Auntie Anna. At least I had these experiences and it will have to be enough.
DD had other plans, though, and was born healthy. But you know the rest of the story - a 14 month old with cancer is pretty ugly. I really thought she would die during the surgery. I remember thinking, throughout that whole awful time, that at least I had the opportunity to know her and love her and nurse her and change her diapers, and nibble her toes for a little while, and a little while was a whole lot better than nothing. Then came the divorce and being a single mother which is pretty difficult. Add in two sick and elderly parents, death, nursing homes, never enough money, lost jobs..... life has been very hard. But the one consistent bright spot has been DD.
Now she is almost 18 and getting ready to fly the coop. She is a wonderful, wonderful young woman: kind, generous, understanding, sentimental, thoughtful, smart, funny, talented, beautiful inside and out. I couldn't ask for a more wonderful child. I'm so proud of her.
Was all that sorrow and pain and anguish worth it? Were the years that I spent on my knees begging God to let me be a mother worth it? Was the fear of screwing her life up worth it? The fear of her dying (I still have nightmares once in a while) worth it?
You bet it was worth it, Joe. Every second, every minute of every day was worth it, even the bad stuff. I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat, even at 52, even knowing all I know now that I sure didn't know then --- yes, I'd do it again. I'd have a whole houseful.
I have never felt such intense joy. I have never been so fulfilled. I have never been so challenged to mature and develop. My life has been so enriched. Watching your child grow and leading her in the way she should go has provided me with the most intense joy and fulfillment--- more than I could ever have dreamed of. I have grown so much. My faith has been strengthened - I *know* that God exits - I see the pattern of His love and care for me and for DD every day.
Go for it, Joe! You would make a fantastic father. I just know it!
Love,
Denise"
You know, Joe was the most beautiful baby I think I've ever seen. He almost didn't make it - his mother was in a car accident and had him about two months early. He had a few problems, but he was the sweetest, most loving child. And brave! He was/is an actor/casting director in NY - I'm always amazed that he has the guts to get up in front of people like that. He was the only boy in the house - there were six girls. He learned to deal. All in all, he was an amazing kid, and now he's a wonderful man. His wife got very lucky when she met him.
And he would be a wonderful father. He would be patient and fun as a father, but he wouldn't be afraid to be strong enough to train his children the way they should go. He's got a lot of depth and a lot of class.
I don't know whether he and his new wife will have any children. I guess he doesn't know that yet himself. But, he'd be a great father. I just know it. And it would be worth it. Every minute of every day would be worth it. I really wanted him to know that.
Here is his reply, which just shows you how tenderhearted and loving he is:
Dear Denise- I am at work right now, and trying not to cry, as that was the most beautiful endorsement for parenthood I have ever read. If I am blessed with children, if I can be half the parent you are my children will be very lucky indeed. I love you and miss you. -Joe
J. Max
J. Max
Oh ya, and he loves his big cousin Denise! The reason he loves me so much is because I gave him drums for Christmas when he was four. His mother still isn't talking to me! Grin.... that was BEFORE I was a mother of course!
Guess which one in the photo is Joe! And guess which one is Goddaughter #2 that I love so much and talk about all the time!
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Autumn Reading Challenge: The Jesus Prayer - A Monk
This thin little book took forever to read - not because it was so difficult, but because I kept falling asleep. Now, don't think that the book bored me until I was comatose, because it was very interesting, but it was totally different from what I expected. I expected lots of how-tos regarding the Jesus Prayer and lots of mysticism. I would say the last 15 pages or so tackle the nitty gritty how-to of the Jesus Prayer. The rest of the book is an exposition of the history of the veneration of the name of Jesus. The monk author (Lev Gillett) starts with the names of God in the Old Testament, moves on to Jesus in the New Testament, and continues throughout history, showing the development of the prayer into its present form: Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner!
I don't think I'll be rereading this one, as interesting as it was. I need something on the more practical aspects of prayer, rather than the historical development of this prayer through time.
I don't think I'll be rereading this one, as interesting as it was. I need something on the more practical aspects of prayer, rather than the historical development of this prayer through time.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Thanksgiving
What am I truly thankful for? On this day of national Thanksgiving, I wonder.... what am I thankful for?
1. That my daughter's cancer is still in remission and she is healthy
2. That she has grown into a thoughtful, intelligent, principled, kind young woman
3. That my father is still "himself" in a strange way, even though the Alzheimers has taken its terrible toll
4. My sister/cousins Rosanne and Ethel who I love and admire so very, very much, without whom I would have no one left to remember what it was like for us growing up
5. My family - my wonderful, crazy, loving, loud, raucous, opinionated, bossy family - which can be summed up in one word: B Street Kids. That includes Lisa with Olivia and Vanessa, Goddaughter #2 with Jeff, Jeffrey and Isabella, Andrea and Julia, Dina with Todd and baby George Anthony, Georgene and Erin, Joe and Sheilagh, Jen and Steve.
6. A long life with my mother, though I miss her so much
7. My church family who have become truly my family and who have brought so much in DD's and my lives, especially Uncle Ken and Auntie Janice, Baba and Papa, Joan, Cindy and FJ
8. In a weird way, I'm thankful for the last five years -- so much has happened, so much tragedy and angst, so much pain -- but still, I've learned so much that I wouldn't trade this terrible time
9. Noa perfume. I'm thankful for Noa.
10. That I had the opportunity to carry a child, to feel that child move within me, to give birth, to breastfeed that child - everything I wished for and dreamed of and prayed for came true.
11. That God made lobsters
12. That I've had so many opportunities to travel, to be exposed to great art and literature and music, to different cuisines, to meet new people. What a wonderful life I've had!
13. That God finally allowed me to be a mother, and to mother this particular child, who has been through so much but has emerged as a beautiful, deep, trustworthy young woman
14. That my ex and I have remained friendly for our daughter's sake
15. That here in the US, I have the freedom to express my opinion, worship God as I choose, vote as I see fit, pursue an education as I choose, and work as I choose. So far, my civil liberties are mostly intact. I pray that they remain so.
16. Gardenias, my favorite flower, and my grandmother's favorite flower as well. Whenever I see a gardenia, or smell its fragrance, so many memories are triggered. I'm thank for those memories of life and love with so many family members, all gone now...
17. My little house in RH. I love my little house, and I'm thankful that I was able to purchase it.
18. That I have had the opportunity to love a man deeply
19. Email. I'm thankful for email, without which I would have lost contact with so many friends and extended family members
20. Most of all, I am thankful for God's faithfulness to me, even when I was not faithful to Him, even when I railed against Him, even when I ignored Him, even when I blamed Him, even when I was utterly unloveable. How amazing His constant love for me is!
1. That my daughter's cancer is still in remission and she is healthy
2. That she has grown into a thoughtful, intelligent, principled, kind young woman
3. That my father is still "himself" in a strange way, even though the Alzheimers has taken its terrible toll
4. My sister/cousins Rosanne and Ethel who I love and admire so very, very much, without whom I would have no one left to remember what it was like for us growing up
5. My family - my wonderful, crazy, loving, loud, raucous, opinionated, bossy family - which can be summed up in one word: B Street Kids. That includes Lisa with Olivia and Vanessa, Goddaughter #2 with Jeff, Jeffrey and Isabella, Andrea and Julia, Dina with Todd and baby George Anthony, Georgene and Erin, Joe and Sheilagh, Jen and Steve.
6. A long life with my mother, though I miss her so much
7. My church family who have become truly my family and who have brought so much in DD's and my lives, especially Uncle Ken and Auntie Janice, Baba and Papa, Joan, Cindy and FJ
8. In a weird way, I'm thankful for the last five years -- so much has happened, so much tragedy and angst, so much pain -- but still, I've learned so much that I wouldn't trade this terrible time
9. Noa perfume. I'm thankful for Noa.
10. That I had the opportunity to carry a child, to feel that child move within me, to give birth, to breastfeed that child - everything I wished for and dreamed of and prayed for came true.
11. That God made lobsters
12. That I've had so many opportunities to travel, to be exposed to great art and literature and music, to different cuisines, to meet new people. What a wonderful life I've had!
13. That God finally allowed me to be a mother, and to mother this particular child, who has been through so much but has emerged as a beautiful, deep, trustworthy young woman
14. That my ex and I have remained friendly for our daughter's sake
15. That here in the US, I have the freedom to express my opinion, worship God as I choose, vote as I see fit, pursue an education as I choose, and work as I choose. So far, my civil liberties are mostly intact. I pray that they remain so.
16. Gardenias, my favorite flower, and my grandmother's favorite flower as well. Whenever I see a gardenia, or smell its fragrance, so many memories are triggered. I'm thank for those memories of life and love with so many family members, all gone now...
17. My little house in RH. I love my little house, and I'm thankful that I was able to purchase it.
18. That I have had the opportunity to love a man deeply
19. Email. I'm thankful for email, without which I would have lost contact with so many friends and extended family members
20. Most of all, I am thankful for God's faithfulness to me, even when I was not faithful to Him, even when I railed against Him, even when I ignored Him, even when I blamed Him, even when I was utterly unloveable. How amazing His constant love for me is!
Saturday, November 17, 2007
On True Fasting
It is necessary, most of all, for one who is fasting to curb anger, to accustom himself to meekness and condescension, to have a contrite heart, to repulse impure thoughts and desires, to examine his conscience, to put his mind to the test and to verify what good has been done by us in this or any other week, and which deficiency we have corrected in ourselves in the present week. This is true fasting.
St. John Chrysostom
St. John Chrysostom
Friday, November 16, 2007
New Meme
On another note, Mimi at http://mimisbooks.blogspot.com/ had an interesting Meme for bloggers that I’ll do. Here's how it works: I will answer some questions about you, if you want to play along.
1. Tell you why I friended you or put you on my Bloglines
2. Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a color, a photo, etc.
3. Tell you something I like about you.
4. Tell you a memory I have of you.
5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
6. Tell you my favorite user pic photo of yours (or something about your avatar I like)
7. In return, you must post this in your blog.
That's it! So, if you want to play along, just leave a comment to this post and I will respond.
1. Tell you why I friended you or put you on my Bloglines
2. Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a color, a photo, etc.
3. Tell you something I like about you.
4. Tell you a memory I have of you.
5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
6. Tell you my favorite user pic photo of yours (or something about your avatar I like)
7. In return, you must post this in your blog.
That's it! So, if you want to play along, just leave a comment to this post and I will respond.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Three Quizzez
| The Keys to Your Heart |
 You are attracted to good manners and elegance. |
| You Have A Type A- Personality |
| You are one of the most balanced people around. Motivated and focused, you are good at getting what you want. You rule at success, but success doesn't rule you. When it's playtime, you really know how to kick back. Whether it's hanging out with friends or doing something you love! You live life to the fullest - incorporating the best of both worlds |
http://www.blogthings.com/doyouhaveatypeapersonalityquiz/">Do You Have a Type A Personality?
What Color Is Your Personality?
Your Results:
Blue Violet
Blue colors your world with emotion. You seldom jump right in, preferring to stand back and watch people and situations closely. Blue people are calm, but can also spiral into sadness. With so much emotion, tears of happiness, sadness, anger, or frustration are quite common.
View all LifeScript quizzes.
See how you rate against everyone else.
Email this quiz to a friend
Saturday, November 03, 2007
Uncle Ken
Two nights ago, dear daughter and I were talking about her boyfriend. For the record, I like The Boy Friend very much - I think he is a fine young man from a wonderful family, and I said so. We both remarked how much he reminds us of Uncle Ken, and then DD stated that if TBF turns into half the man that Uncle Ken is, he will be a fine man and she will have done very well. Then she got teary eyed and decided to tell Uncle Ken what she really thinks of him. She dialed and asked for Uncle Ken and she told him exactly that. He was touched, and little embarassed. He didn't know quite what to say. They chatted a little bit, he gave her advice about life and boys, they said they loved each other and they hung up.
What is unusual here is that Uncle Ken is not her uncle at all. He is a family friend. In fact, we haven't known him all that long - we met him our first Sunday at St. Mary's on November 16th, 1997 - just ten years ago. I clearly remember driving home from that first liturgy with my then 7-year-old DD, talking about our new parish and the nice people we met that day, and she kept talking about Uncle Ken and Auntie Janice. I didn't have a clue who she was talking about, and had to wait for Wednesday night vespers to find out. It was the subdeacon and his wife, and they seemed like really nice people, but Uncle and Aunt???? It was obvious, though, that DD and they instantly hit it off and felt sympatico. The next week they invited my family, including my elderly parents, to their home for Thanksgiving, where we met Uncle Ken's father and mother and youngest sister, and were instantly adopted by the whole family.
But this is not the main point of this story. A year or two later, DD was acting up a little bit, and I was having a hard time figuring out how best to handle her. I was getting advice from all sides and my head was spinning. One Saturday evening after vespers, Uncle Ken came to me and said that he knew I have having a hard time with DD, and that if I didn't mind, he would like to give me his opinion. I told him go ahead, because by that time I already knew that he was going to give his opinion one way or the other - one of the things I so love about him! He said that since the ex lived a continent away, he felt that DD needed a strong man in her life beyond her elderly grandfather who was more like a playmate than a father figure. He felt that need was part of what she was going through, and that he loved her as if she was his own, as did his wife, and he volunteered to be that man. In fact, he said that it was a life-long committment for him, one which he and his wife had discussed, and that they would be honored if I would accept this offer. Wow. I bawled my head off to think that somewhere in the world there are people who are so kind and so generous. I accepted. From that point forward, Uncle Ken has been wonderful, as have all of his family.
Now, what is amazing to me is that DD recognizes how rare it is to find a man and a family like that, and she is grateful, as am I. In the intervening years, Uncle Ken and Auntie Janice have added K to their family, who is DD's little sister and my niece. K hasn't quite noticed that although they are sisters, they don't have the same parents, though they do share Uncle Ken's parents as grandparents. Its hilarious sometimes, the way that K mimics DD.
So, the other night, DD recognized that Uncle Ken is a rare, rare man, and if her future husband is half the man that he is, she will have done well for herself, indeed.
What is unusual here is that Uncle Ken is not her uncle at all. He is a family friend. In fact, we haven't known him all that long - we met him our first Sunday at St. Mary's on November 16th, 1997 - just ten years ago. I clearly remember driving home from that first liturgy with my then 7-year-old DD, talking about our new parish and the nice people we met that day, and she kept talking about Uncle Ken and Auntie Janice. I didn't have a clue who she was talking about, and had to wait for Wednesday night vespers to find out. It was the subdeacon and his wife, and they seemed like really nice people, but Uncle and Aunt???? It was obvious, though, that DD and they instantly hit it off and felt sympatico. The next week they invited my family, including my elderly parents, to their home for Thanksgiving, where we met Uncle Ken's father and mother and youngest sister, and were instantly adopted by the whole family.
But this is not the main point of this story. A year or two later, DD was acting up a little bit, and I was having a hard time figuring out how best to handle her. I was getting advice from all sides and my head was spinning. One Saturday evening after vespers, Uncle Ken came to me and said that he knew I have having a hard time with DD, and that if I didn't mind, he would like to give me his opinion. I told him go ahead, because by that time I already knew that he was going to give his opinion one way or the other - one of the things I so love about him! He said that since the ex lived a continent away, he felt that DD needed a strong man in her life beyond her elderly grandfather who was more like a playmate than a father figure. He felt that need was part of what she was going through, and that he loved her as if she was his own, as did his wife, and he volunteered to be that man. In fact, he said that it was a life-long committment for him, one which he and his wife had discussed, and that they would be honored if I would accept this offer. Wow. I bawled my head off to think that somewhere in the world there are people who are so kind and so generous. I accepted. From that point forward, Uncle Ken has been wonderful, as have all of his family.
Now, what is amazing to me is that DD recognizes how rare it is to find a man and a family like that, and she is grateful, as am I. In the intervening years, Uncle Ken and Auntie Janice have added K to their family, who is DD's little sister and my niece. K hasn't quite noticed that although they are sisters, they don't have the same parents, though they do share Uncle Ken's parents as grandparents. Its hilarious sometimes, the way that K mimics DD.
So, the other night, DD recognized that Uncle Ken is a rare, rare man, and if her future husband is half the man that he is, she will have done well for herself, indeed.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Which Movie Star Are You?
Which Movie Star Are You?
Don't miss this if you need some fun!
Ever wonder which movie star you are most like? Well ~ A team of researchers got together and analyzed the personalities of movie stars. The gathered info has been incorporated into this quiz. There are only 10 questions so it doesn't take long. Number your paper from 1 to 10, then answer each question with the choice that most describes you *at this point in your life*, and then add up the points that correspond with your answers. Send this to all of your friends (including person who sent it to you ) with your star's name in the subject line.... And don't be a butt and ruin the fun by not responding ... Now, don't look ahead or you will ruin the fun!
1. Which describes your perfect date? a) Candlelight dinner for two b) Amusement Park c) Roller blading in the park d) Rock Concert e) Have dinner & see a movie f) Dinner at home with a loved one
2. What is your favorite type of music? a) Rock and Roll b) Alternative c) Soft Rock d) Classical e) Christian f) Jazz
3. What is your favorite type of movie? a) Comedy b) Horror c) Musical d) Romance e) Documentary f) Mystery
4. Which of the following jobs would you choose if you were given only these choices? a) Waiter/Waitress b) Sports Player c) Teacher d) Policeman e) Bartender f) Business person
5. Which would you rather do if you had an hour to waste? a) Work out b) Make out c) Watch TV d) Listen to the radio e) Sleep f) Read
6. Of the following colors, which do you like best? a) Yellow b) White c) Sky blue d) Teal e) Gold f) Red
7. Which one of the following would you like to eat right now? a) Ice cream b) Pizza c) Sushi d) Pasta e) Salad f) Lobster Tail
8. Which is your favorite holiday? a) Halloween b) Christmas c) New Year's d) Valentine's Day e) Thanksgiving f) Fourth of July
9 If you could go to any of the following places, which would it be? a) Reno b) Spain c) Las Vegas d) Hawaii e) Hollywood f) British Columbia
10. Of the following, who would you rather spend time with? a) Someone who is smart b) Someone with good looks c) Someone who is a party animal d) Someone who has fun all the time e) Someone who is very emotional f) Someone who is fun to be with
Now total up your points on each question:
1 a-4 b-2 c-5 d-1 e-3 f-6
2. a-2 b-1 c-4 d-5 e-3 f-6
3. a-2 b-1 c-3 d-4 e-5 f-6
4. a-4 b-5 c-3 d-2 e-1 f-6
5. a-5 b-4 c-2 d-1 e-3 f-6
6. a-1 b-5 c-3 d-2 e-4 f-6
7. a-3 b-2 c-1 d-4 e-5 f-6
8. a-1 b-3 c-2 d-4 e-5 f-6
9. a-4 b-5 c-1 d-4 e-3 f-6
10. a-5 b-2 c-1 d-3 e-4 f-6
NOW, take your total and find out which Movie Star you are:
(10-17 points) You are MADONNA: You are wild and crazy and you know it. You know how to have fun, but you may take it to extremes. You know what you are doing though, and are much in control of your own life. People don't always see things your way, but that doesn't mean that you should do away with your beliefs. Try to remember that your wild spirit can lead to hurting yourself and others.
(18-26 points) You are DORIS DAY:You are fun, friendly, and popular! You are a real crowd pleaser. You have probably been out on the town your share of times,yet you come home with the values that your mother taught you. Marriage and children are very important to you, but only after you have fun. Don't let the people you please influence you to stray.
(27-34 points) You are DEBBIE REYNOLDS: You are cute, and everyone loves you. You are a best friend that no one takes the chance of losing. You never hurt feelings and seldom have your own feelings hurt. Life is a breeze. You are witty, and calm most of the time. Just keep clear of back stabbers, and you are worry-free.
(35-42 points) You are GRACE KELLY: You are a lover. Romance, flowers, and wine are all you need to enjoy yourself You are serious about all commitments and are a family person. You call your Mom every Sunday, and never forget a Birthday. Don't let your passion for romance get confused with the real thing.
(43-50 points) You are KATHARINE HEPBURN: You are smart, a real thinker. Every situation is approached with a plan. You are very healthy in mind and body. You don't take crap from anyone. You have only a couple of individuals that you consider "real friends". You teach strong family values. Keep your feet planted in them, but don't overlook a bad situation when it does happen.
(51-60 points) You are ELIZABETH TAYLOR: Everyone is in awe of you. You know what you want and how to get it. You have more friends than you know what to do with. Your word is your bond. Everyone knows when you say something it is money in the bank.You attract the opposite sex. Your intelligence overwhelms most. Your memory is the next thing to photographic. Everyone admires you because you are so considerate and lovable. You know how to enjoy life and treat people right.
Now put your Movie Star in the subject line, then forward and share with your friends, including the person who sent it to you - PLEASE! I want to know who you are!!
So..... I got this from DD's godmother, Matushka Elizabeth Sylvia - she is Grace Kelly, as is Xenia, one of my best buds and DD's evil auntie. Diane is Doris Day. Mimi is Katharine Hepburn... Lyne is Grace Kelly. Paula is Grace Kelly. And *I* am Katharine Hepburn.
Let me know who you are!
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Autumn Reading Challenge: Mr. Darcy's Daughters by Elizabeth Aston
This book was a good, but not great, read. I guess I expected the same richness of character found in the original by Jane Austen, but alas, it was not to be. The plot line was again a convoluted seriocomedy of manners and commentary on the social mores of the day - a la Austen - with overtones of modernity. Don't get me wrong; I did enjoy reading it, but its not a must-read and certainly not a re-read. There are another couple in the series, but I think I'll pass on them for now. Maybe next summer when I need some light summer reading.....
Dear daughter is reading it now; after that, Edie will read it. I'll post their comments soon.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Update to Autumn Reading Challenge
I really want to read We Shall See Him as He Is, but its way too expensive to buy right now, and I don't know anyone I can borrow it from, so regretfully, I am replacing that selection with something else.....
I'm going to choose between these two:
Abbess Thaisia, An Autobiography
or
The Ascetic of Love by Nun Gavrilia
I'm going to choose between these two:
Abbess Thaisia, An Autobiography
or
The Ascetic of Love by Nun Gavrilia
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