Friday, November 11, 2016

Life is Cyclical

I've been on a tear this past week about the results of the presidential election. I always knew, deep down, that my country was not ready for a woman president. The vitriol leveled against Hillary Clinton throughout her campaign, throughout her career, really, is typical of the demonization that occurs when a smart, strong, highly competent woman rises to the top in her field. I knew the average Joe wasn't ready for her, or any other woman, to be president, so it shouldn't have been a surprise that Trump won. I never thought he was an imbecile as many did. I always knew he was a shrewd, ruthless, immoral businessman, a real con man, as the most successful businessmen are. So he won, and I was devasted because President Elect Trump has pledged himself to everything that the US is not: division, exclusivity, unfairness, exclusion, inequality. This is not the USA of the founding fathers, and its not the USA of my heart,either. Americans pride themselves on being bigger, better, courageous fighters of what is wrong, champions of the underdog, generous...  With half the electorate voting for Trump, and against all those things, I knew that something important and vital to my country had died. Most people on FB were treating this like just another election outcome, where the winners were happy, and the losers were sad and it was basically just sour grapes. It's not, though, at least on my part. Something integral to how we understand ourselves to be has died. We are now different than we were before. Electing Trump is a byproduct of a clash of opposite world views, and has resulted in us becoming less than we were before. I am heartbroken. It's like a death in the family, and in many ways, it is exactly that.

So, I'm grieving. In the last few days, I've gone through all the stages of grief, some more than once, and all are excessively documented on facebook in my posts. I've vomited my despair and grief onto my facebook wall in an effort to understand and come to grips with who we, Americans, are now. I'm anxious and scared that hate crimes, already on the rise, will continue and eventually, we will have a version of mob rule, complete with lynchings.

As I say often, it is what it is. There is nothing I can personally do to alter the results of the election. There is such polarization between people at this point, that there is nothing that I can do to bridge the gap, other than, perhaps, not adding to it.  So, no more anti Trump posts on facebook.  If I continue to do that, I will be no better than the Republicans who vilified Barack Obama for eight years, who obstructed him at ever turn, and were so obnoxious and petty that they likened his wife to an orangutan and him to a monkey. For the last eight years, I have been deeply disturbed by the lies and hatred of the President on a personal level, having nothing to do with his policies, and have wished for some respect for the office of President of the United States, and the man who inhabits it. I can't, in good conscience, go on vilifying Trump on a personal level for being the lying asshole that he is. He is now the President Elect and in two months, will be our President. May God have mercy on us all.

Concurrently, my sweetie boy Kyo, my most photogenic cat, has been slowly dying, and after two evenings of him and me cuddling on the sofa, he died while I was asleep last night. I knew the time was near, but I'm still sad.  All the grief I've spent on the US in the last days is now turned toward this sweet little bucket of love. I'll need to bury him in a little bit.

So, two deaths in one week. It's a lot to deal with, but it is reality, and reality must be accepted. I have reached the fifth stage of grief.  It is what it is. There is residual sadness at chances to become better which have been missed and sadness at the loss of a beloved pet. Death is ugly in all its forms, and is symptom of the sinfulness of mankind. Death is not what God wants for us and not what we were created for. We were created for life, eternal life, but we sinned, and that sin tore the fabric of our existence, allowing evil and sin to enter. Death is evil. Always. But is also the doorway to our Father's House, where we truly belong.  When my mother died, I reflected on my memory of her, her sisters and her mother cooking together in the kitchen, and I was comforted by the thought that in my Father's house are many mansions. I go to prepare a place for you. I thought to myself, why not a kitchen?  Now, I'm thinking, why not a comfy bed for Kyo? And, why not an entire wing for the struggling, lost and blind USA? Why not?