Annunciation, my chosen nameday

Great Feast of the Church - Celebrated on March 25 / April 7

According to Bishop Nikolai Velimirovch in The Prologue from Ohrid:

"When the most holy Virgin had lived and served in the Temple at Jerusalem for eleven years, and was by then fourteen years old when, that is, she was entering on her fifteenth year - the priests informed her that, according to the Law, she could no longer remain in the Temple but must be betrothed and marry. But, to the great surprise of all the priests, the most holy Virgin replied that she had dedicated herself to God and wished to remain a maiden till death and enter into wedlock with no-one. Then, by God's providence and under His inspiration, Zacharias, the high priest and father of the Forerunner, in consultation with the other priests, chose twelve unmarried men from the tribe of David so that they might entrust the Virgin Mary to one of them to preserve her virginity and care for her. She was thus entrusted to Joseph, an old man from Nazareth and a kinsman of hers. In his house, the most holy Virgin continued to live in the same manner as in the Temple of Solomon, passing her time in the reading of the sacred Scriptures, in prayer, in pondering on the works of God, in fasting and in handwork. She scarcely ever left the house, nor took an interest in worldly matters or events. She generally conversed very little with anyone, and never without a particular need. She was intimate only with the two daughters of Joseph. But when the time prophesied by the Prophet Daniel had come and when God was pleased to fulfill the promise made to Adam when He drove him out of Paradise, and to the prophets, the mighty Archangel Gabriel appeared in the chamber of the most holy Virgin, at the precise moment (as some priestly writers have related) that she was holding open on her lap the book of the Prophet Isaiah and pondering on his great prophecy: 'Behold, a virgin shall conceive and bear a son'. Gabriel appeared to her in angelic light and said to her: 'Rejoice, thou that art highly favoured, the Lord is with thee!', and so forth, just as is related in the Gospel of the divine Luke. With this angelic greeting and the descent of the Holy Spirit, the salvation of mankind and the renewal of creation were set in motion. The Archangel turned the first page of the story of the New Testament with the word 'Rejoice!', to show by this the joy that the New Testament signifies for mankind and for all things created. And therefore the Annunciation is looked upon as a joyous, as well as a great, feast."

We Orthodox are named after saints in the hope that we will learn holiness from them and have them as fervent intercessors on our behalf. My mother of blessed memory (I miss you so much, Mom!) named me after the Theotokos, the Mother of God, Mary. Marie is my middle name. When I became Orthodox, I didn't want to pick another saint as my patron, since I had already formed an attachment to the Mother of God. Whenever your patron saint has more than one feast day, it is the custom to celebrate your nameday on the feast closest to your birthday. For me, the feast of the Theotokos closest to my birthday is the Nativity of the Theotokos on September 8th, and for the first year or two that I was Orthodox, I sort of half-heartedly thought of her nativity as my nameday. Then I had a compelling reason to choose the Annunciation instead.

Tonight, as DD and I were celebrating my nameday at a local Japanese restaurant, she asked me why I chose the Annunciation when its ALWAYS in LENT and as such precludes much celebration. This is what I told her:

When I got married in 1979, like most people, I wanted the basics out of life: a loving husband, children, a dog and a cat, a little house with a picket fence -- a good life. That's not what happened. God had other plans for me which rubbed me raw. It started with infertility. In 1980, doctors told me that I would never have children. It just was not going to happen. I yearned for children, for family life, but it was not to be. Went to another doctor who said the same thing. I couldn't accept it. I just couldn't come to terms with a life with no children. I just couldn't make my peace with it. I tried, but I just couldn't. I tried to fill my time with all sorts of things: reading and painting and cooking and singing in the choir and my friends. I met a lovely lady, Olga Myellenbeck, who said she'd teach me painting and iconography. I didn't learn much about iconography, but I learned a lot about life and how to be an Orthodox woman. But I still yearned for children. In retrospect, I realize that I was deeply mourning a child that had never even been conceived - children that I never even had. I struggled with God over it and used to beg Him to take this yearning away. Then it was Annunciation, and Fr. John talked about Mary's perfect submission to God's will for her. She questioned it, but still obeyed and submitted her will to His in perfect peace. How that resonated with me! That's what I needed - perfect, peaceful submission to God's will. If I could just have one drop of the confidence that God's way is the best way, like my patroness, I knew that I would have peace. She said "Yes!" and all this time I had been saying "No! No! NO!" So, I picked Annunciation to be my nameday, out of all the feasts of the Theotokos.

That year, 1981, I started a 9 x 12 acrylic icon of the Annunciation as a Lenten spiritual exercise. In my heart, I was still saying NO NO NO, but I prayed that my no would turn to yes as I painted. I worked hard at it, but I didn't get it finished, so I put it away till the next Lent. In 1982, I saw how sloppy my work was, and started parts of it over. And so it went in 1983, 1984, 1985, 1986, 1987, 1988 and 1989. Still struggling with that yes..... In 1990, I gave birth to DD, a miracle child in so many ways, and I couldn't find the icon to finish it.

Last year, I found it, and saw that it was still an unfinished and raw work. The struggle is clearly seen in the icon. I don't struggle with God about infertility anymore, but I still struggle with Him about so many other things. As one of my goddaughters told me when she was annoyed with me, I always think I have better ideas. Its true, I do. Even better than God sometimes. I struggle and fight with God, and like Jacob who fought with the angel, I am wounded. Perhaps I'll work on it again this year. But, it occurs to me that maybe I'm not meant to finish this particular icon. Maybe its a metaphor for my spiritual life, and when it is done, I will be done too.

I've been Orthodox a long time now - its in my bones. I still fail miserably. My pride in my own competence trips me up. I am like St. Paul in that I act the way I do not want to act, and find myself doing things I do not want to do. I realize now that I struggle needlessly against the path that God has laid for me. I need a good dose of obedience and submission. I look to my patroness, the Mother of God, as my example, my protectress, my leader in this battle, my intercessor. When the battle is won, I will know peace, too.

The kontakion for the Annunciation, in the old Antiochian translation, is one of my favorites:

ToThee, our Queen, Leader in battle and Defender! I thy City, delivered from all peril, offer hymns of victory and thanksgiving. Since thou possess invincible power, set us free from every calamity, that we may cry to Thee: Hail, O Bride without Bridegroom!

The kontakion of the Akathist is another favorite (another old Antiochian translation that is dear to my heart):

Unto the Mother of God, let us sinners and humble ones now diligently have recourse, and let us bow down in penitence exclaiming from the depths of our souls: O Sovereign Lady! Help us, having compassion on us! Show zeal for perish with the multitude of our sins. Turn not thy servants away empty, for we have Thee as our only hope!

Then there is my favorite Akathist troparion:

Awed by the beauty of Thy virginity, and the exceeding radiance of they purity, Gabriel stood amazed, and cried to Thee, O Giver of Life: What grace can I offer Thee that is worthy of Thy beauty? By what name shall I call Thee? I am lost and bewildered, but I shall greet Thee as I was commanded. Hail! Thou who art full of grace!