Sometimes, I am amazed...

I have been struggling for a while now, with some decisions, as everyone does.  Sometimes, I am amazed at how seemingly random quotes read on Facebook walls are simply not random at all.  Here is what I read today, from "Our Thoughts Determine Our Lives."

The Lord looks at the inner depth of the heart, at what the heart longs for and what it desires. And if He sees that a soul cannot come home, the Lord will in His own time, cleanse it and draw it to the center and the soul will find peace. However, if in the innermost part of the heart there is something unclean, something that is attracted to this world and is bound to it, then our wandering wi

ll last a long time and we will endure much sorrow and suffering. We who are, so to speak, pious, will have more sorrow than those who are not. This is because they do not feel inner pain, they give thought not to eternity but only to things of this world: enjoyment, food, drink….Their attention is entirely focused on this, whereas ours is divided: we want to be with the Lord, yet we have not let go of material things; our heart is still attached to them and we are not free. It is for this reason that we suffer a lot.

~Elder Thaddeus of Vitovnica

That's me.  I have a foot in both camps, and simply cannot make a firm decision one way or the other.  Someone I know has said to me on a number of occasions, you cannot ride two horses, yet that is what I'm attempting to do, and the effort has, indeed, bruised me.  I have endured much sorrow and suffering.

Much to think and pray about in this quote.  Maybe I'll read the book.  Maybe not.  Maybe I'm not quite ready for this amount of truth.

At least not today.  Maybe next week when I'm focussed on iconography with my teacher, Ksenia, who has so much to teach me, some of which is about iconography.