Decluttering

Yesterday, I couldn't find the shoes I wanted to wear. In this nice new house, I've got a huge walk-in closet, and a huge box of shoes, and I took every shoe out of that box but didn't find the ones I wanted to wear. Oh no! They must be in the dreaded garage! Who had time to sort through a hundred boxes to find them, so I wore my usual black suede slip on tennies.

I got to thinking about this last night while I was surfing the web. I need to declutter. I have too much of everything. Too many shoes. Too many clothes, too many books. Too much food. Too much ME. Too many distractions. Too much arrogance.

I think that in some ways, decluttering is a spiritual exercise. Its cutting away the unessential, which by definition, leaves the good, the necessary, the valued, the truth. Decluttering is something that I've put off for far too long - why is that? One of my worst traits is procrastination, but I don't think that pure laziness is the reason. When I look at all the things I accomplish in a week, say, and how busy I am, I realize that I am far from lazy. There must be a fear that makes me put off doing certain tasks - sometimes even tasks that I love.

I've been thinking about decluttering and how it relates to fear... What came to mind was, what if I strip everything away that needs to be stripped away, and there is nothing left? What if there is no ME underneath all the roles I play and stuff I do and stuff I have? But that would provide an opportunity to invent the me I'd like to be, so that's not SO very fearsome. What if I don't like what is left? What if its ugly? What if I don't want to be that person and never even knew that I was? Just typing that out makes me uncomfortable. So, that's the fear.

But, Great Lent begins with the Rite of Forgiveness in just a couple of days. During that service, we will all forgive each other for what we have done and what we have failed to do all year long. Its not rote - far from it - I am deeply, deeply moved each year, particularly when I come face to face with the people I love most who I have also wronged most, especially my daughter. We neglect and rail at and misuse those we love most, don't we? What strange beasts humans are!

This year, in addition to asking forgiveness of my daughter and of my brothers and sisters in Christ, I am also going to ask forgiveness of myself in my heart, and then get to the work of decluttering -- me. I hope I find something of value while I'm at it.