Roseanne

I talked with my cousin Roseanne the other day. She had a wonderful birthday...she told me that she turned 70. I can't believe it - in my mind, when I think of her, I see her as a young woman in her mid-20s, when I was a child. When I look at her photo, as I am right now, I see that she's aged some, but she looks pretty damn good for someone who is 70 years old, and she is still just as beautiful as she was when I was little.

Roseanne was 19 years old when I was born, and in many respects, I'm more her child than her cousin. She and I have always, always had a very special relationship, a closer relationship than is usual, even for our family with its intergenerational tangled web of love.

When my mother and I came home from the hospital on September 23, 1955, my parent's 10th wedding anniversary, we didnt' go home to our apartment on Marie Ave, but instead, came home to my grandmother's house - the Catalano family headquarters, as it were - on B Street, and from that day onward, there I was mothered and petted and cheered and spanked and hugged and fed in every possible way by the women of the family: Grammie, my nanas - Auntie Anna and Auntie Nettie, Roseanne, Terry and Ethel.

But Roseanne was special. She and I just loved each other so much - that's all there is to it. We are both pretty emotional people and we always have to cry for the first few minutes of every phone call.

Let me list some memories of Roseanne: She was so very beautiful, stunningly beautiful. She looked a lot like Natalie Wood, and cars would slow down to look at her on the street. She was lots of fun and laughed a lot. She and her girlfriends were kind of mischievous and skipped a lot of school, but now, at 70, they are still tight. I wish I had friends like that. But Roseanne does, and thats because she knows how to love people. Its just a gift - some people have it. Our grandmother had it, and Roseanne does too.

Ro is also endlessly supportive, no matter what it is that you are involved in. Even when she disagrees with me (and that has happened a lot in my life), she still loves me and cares for my wellbeing. Even when she is wrong, and that has happened as well, the love and care is still there.

Ro is a funny person in some ways - she is intensely private and also very open, at the same time. It took until I was more than 40 years old for her to talk to me about her childhood, when her father died, and her feelings of abandonment. On the other hand,I know that she feels things deeply and speaking is difficult when your throat is closed from the tears.

I remember Ro ironing my taffeta dresses so I'd look nice in the school photos. She used to give me Little Miss Tonette perms when I was kid, and sometimes she'd cut my hair. Blood and guts don't faze her - and she's removed countless splinters, and patched me up a million times. She and Terry taught me to fight so that I could defend myself in the schoolyard. She helped me practice my lines for plays and assemblies when I was in school.

Roseanne always had very elegant taste and wore beautiful and expensive clothing. I remember sitting on the bed and watching her get ready to go out. I used to think of her as a princess... as soon as she was gone, I used to try her clothes on, put her lipstick (always a shade of peach) on, and wear her shoes. She had beautiful, high heeled shoes. Unfortunately, I wore orthopedic shoes, and they were knotted on so I'd put her shoes on right over mine.... and once they got stuck - I couldn't get her shoes off my feet and those gorgeous spike heels had to be cut off.... Man, was she mad! But not for long - that's one thing about Roseanne. If she has something to tell you, she will, and she won't beat around the bush. She can be very direct, and she does have a temper. But then, its over. She doesn't hold grudges, and she doesn't stay mad for long.

Sometimes we'd go in Jerry's convertible to the beach to get clams or ice cream, just her and me. She had a few miscarriages after they married, so I didn't have to share my place in her heart with anyone for a while, and sometimes we'd go places. I used to like to go shopping with her, just to see the beautiful clothing and to spray the fine perfumes all over my plump 10 year old body.

She was also pretty unshakeable as a mother. When Joseph Michael would stop breathing, she'd just move him around and pat his back and talk nice to him: "Now Joseph, breathe for mama now. Come on and breathe for mama." And he always did - who could resist her? There isn't a male alive who could resist her. Another mother would have freaked out, but Roseanne just dealt with the situation.

Ro is also a great cook. I had dreams that I was eating her steak pizzaiola this past winter and had to call her up for the recipe. Man, was it good.

I just love her so much. No matter what was going on her life, she made time for me and made me feel smart and special. And I was special to her. Some kids never get that from anyone.... I'm very lucky to have her. My life would be so much poorer without her.

I can't believe that she is 70. I'm looking at the picture of her, me and Ethel, and I can't believe that she is 70. And I can't believe that just the three of us are left to remember what it was like when Grammie and Grampie were alive... the garden in Miss Boutelier's yard, the old cottage, the summer kitchen in the cellar, the concord grape vine growing up the tree, the peach tree in the front yard where the door to the cellar apartment is now, the roses on the front stoop... The old green kitchen, the garland stove, the smell of the Easter baking, the pasta drying on floured sheets on every flat surface of the house... Just the three of us to remember.

I love my cousin Roseanne so very, very much - I don't have words to express it. I hope she knows.