Cravings

I've been on Weight Watchers for about 11 or 12 weeks now, and am doing ok with it. I am in this for the long haul, and the goal for me is health rather than weight loss.  So, I faithfully record every point I eat and attempt to practice portion control.  Altogether, I've lost nearly 20 lbs (it was 20, but I did gain a couple of pounds over the holidays).

However, I am coming to understand that overeating, self-medicating with food, is not only a physical issue.  It is an emotional issue, speaking to my mental and emotional health.  Most importantly, it is a spiritual issue, because everything has a spiritual component.  Here is the scenario as I am coming to understand it:

Little Denise is afraid that her mother will die, so she eats.  Her grandmother, aunties, mother and cousins all believe that the best way to show love is to shovel more and more food into little Denise, and little Denise happily complies, setting the stage for self-medicating with food.  When bad things happen in Denise's life, and lots of bad things happen, she is strong on the outside, but inside, she is still that little girl, and she turns to food to get her through the bad times.  When good things happen in Denise's life, and lots of good things happen, she celebrates with food, because food is the source of good feelings.  Over time, Denise goes from being athletic to couch potato, from muscular to fat. This makes Denise feel bad, so.... she eats to feel better.

My question to myself is this:  Where is God in all this?  I turn to food to assuage my sorrows, when God is right there, holding His hand to me.  I refuse to grasp onto Him because my hands are full of chocolate and macaroni and other nummy goodies.  I rely on food more than I rely on God.  I think I must love food more than I love God - that's what my actions say.  Inside my heart of hearts, I think to myself, no no no - I love God!  I crave Him!  There is a hole in me that is God-shaped, and all the food in the world cannot fill that space that was meant for God.   Yet, I keep trying to fill that space with all sorts of things - food mostly - but all sorts of other things, too.

This process of getting healthy is about so much more than weight and food.  It's about God, too, and surrendering this life-long crutch of food to rely instead on Him.

Yes.

I'm so weak, though.  The scriptures talk about finding strength in weakness.  May I find that too.